Saturday, April 4, 2020

Making Distinctive (If Not Stylish) Personal Masks

This morning's Daily Breeze had a nice little front page feature on civilians (as opposed to Big Pharma) generously making masks for others with directions farther back in the article.  A lovely thing to do, no?  People have been by-and-large very generous with offers of help - going to the store; you need anything?  Toilet paper donations vs. hoarding …

Incidentally if you don't want to turn your house into a TP Warehouse, you might consider investing (and it is an investment - $5,000 up)  in a Japanese toilet.  They come with all kinds of bells and whistles  and use water to delicately clean the area of interest (to phrase it delicately.)

Japanese toilets are of no interest to most of us who are not millionaires.  So - what about these?

Call your vet and ask to buy a Collar of Shame sized Big Dog.  You will not be touching your face.  Clear vision - this is important because I have found that most masks cause your glasses to steam up.  Please don't drive with your mask on (and don't text either.)

Want "different"?  Stylish?  Express yourself?  Hie your little butt over to a 99Cent Store, Dollar Tree or equivalent and stock up on bandannas.  Wear them like a bandit or bank robber.  To block possible virus cooties, fold the bandanna in the appropriate triangle, lay it flat and spray starch the hell out of it.

The easiest of all is to wear a turtleneck top and just pull it up when in public - such as the supermarket.  Cart full, paid for and you're heading for your car in the lot.  Put the neck back and drive away. It's okay to feel a quiet satisfaction at helping to defeat the enemy.

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