Thursday, April 30, 2020

Happy Birthday Today Willie Nelson!

Despite his wild success for all of these years, there is another that is rarely, if that, mentioned.

 He turned a whole town into a celebrity. It's  Abbott, Texas- 24 miles north of Waco.  Rightfully they claim to be Willie Nelson's Birthday because he was born there. His grandparents raised him and two years older sister Bobbie because his mother left town shortly after his birth and his father took off not long after that.   I would imagine they made their presences known to him when the money started rolling in.  His album "Stardust" was on the country music billboard for 540 weeks or nearly 10 years.

Today, Willie is said to have a home/ranch  in Spicewood, Texas, 35 miles northwest of Austin plus a place in Maui, Hawaii.   Probably have to die to get any recognition out of either.  

Even though you have COPD, Willie, hang in there.  Recognition can wait - there's usually no money in it anyhow.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

"We're Going To Have To Buy a Pig, Richie"

We were watching the Channel 7 6:30 p.m. news.  They did one of the media specials - terrify viewers.  "The food chain is broken!" (Insert Henny Penny the sky is falling here if desired.)  The article concerned itself mainly with Tyson chicken, but I don't care - don't particularly like chicken, although Richie's Chicken Cordon Bleus is quite tasty indeed.  But:  it's helped by a ham and Swiss cheese insert.

When he could stop laughing about purchasing a pig for the backyard, I elucidated why the backyard is perfect for a shoat or weaner - piglets 2 to 3 months old, and weaned from Mama.  (You think I cravenly give up when I want something?)

It's chain link fence on three sides and one solid concrete wall.  Perfect to nestle up against for sunbathing. .There are plenty of trees for shade, the garden hose is available for a water bucket and to hose down the yard and the pig. .  At night, we would open the door to under-the-house, herd the piglet in and lock it in for the night.  Coyotes hunt at night.  In a neighborhood where there is, generally, 36 in. between house and many dog ownerss.  Brass balls.

I have no real idea where to purchase a shoat, but Google will know.

A Thought Not My Own

"I don't see why staying at home is so hard - 105 million managed it on Election Day, 2016."

Monday, April 27, 2020


A collection of his ruminations by Marcus Aurelius'  a Roman emperor born 4-26-121 AD who died on 3-17-180 AD age 61 which was quite elderly in those days.

One of his meditations is a good one for these days,  "You have the power of your mind - not outside events."  Which is funny if you remember that most of us are not allowed to be outside.

In more recent times, I have read in Dear Ann or Abby or Someone that when you wake up in the morning is the time to make up your mind about your day.  "I will have a good day today." and get up and have one.  Marcus says so.

If others console you with the phrase, "This, too, will pass" ask the soother if it has to pass like a kidney stone?

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Taking It Easy

It's Sunday, after all.  The taking it easy part of Sunday is my personal religious observance.

Medals being handed out: "I Survived the 2020 Toilet Paper Crisis"

If you need 166 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day lockdown, better see a doctor now!

Q: Have you been anywhere there is a Coronavirus outbreak?  R: Yes - the USA

Day 2 without sports.  Found a young lady sitting on my couch.  Apparently she's my wife.  She seems nice.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Hah! Take that virus!

Our former neighbors and great friends, John, Angie and their three kids, moved to New Zealand for work reasons.

This year, John's April birthday would celebrate his 50th birthday.  (He still looks about 40.)
As always for a milestone birthday, a great gala was planned.  Alas.  Here came the virus and Draconian rules against any kind of mingling.

The family discussed the alternatives and young Audrey (6 or so) suggested, "Daddy, you'll just have to stay 49 until we can have a party."  A suggestion I am adopting for myself.  You can just call me "Old 79" until I can throw the party I have planned.  Despite the polite little note from the Redondo Police force thanking me for holding off, I will do it.

Feel free to adopt little Audrey's idea - she is a loving and giving kid.

Is Birthday Snobbery the next new thing?
I mentioned to a friend in Israel that my birthday and Al Pacino's are identical - 4/25/40 and she promptly wrote back, "But mine is Elvis' January 8th." No year given, but she's a lot younger than I am.  Easy win for her, no?  Elvis beats Al.

Do you share a birthday?  With whom?  Are you pleased?  I should add that 4/25 was Adolph Hitler's birthday, too.  Don't bother to mention it in future correspondence - none of us has a say in these weighty matters.

Friday, April 24, 2020

Geez, Government, Whose Side Are You On?

See if this makes you wonder, too.  Scientists are indicating - some of them - that sunlight is a good weapon against the virus.  Today, the temperature on our beaches (South Bay) are predicted to hit the mid-80s.  Do the mayors of here open the beaches?  Not on your tintype.   

The Chinese "gave" us this virus.  We are now buying masks against it from the Chinese.  I have to wonder if they are sitting on a cure - and will sell it to us - for $1 billion per pill.  

A restaurant in Austin, TX, is apparently on a quest to topple Church Bulletins.  Here's a sample:  If you see me talking to myself, I'm having a parent teacher conference.  For 89 more,  

I haven't seen it advertised yet, but it's only a matter of time.  That would be masks that match your eye color.  Can I get a dye vat over here?  

Thursday, April 23, 2020

Attention Plague Chefs

Consider this for your delectation.  Jacques Pepin calls it "Spicy Soy Marinade" and uses it with Roast Pork Tenderloin.  He says to use it as a marinade first and then make the resulting sauce by heating it separately for it to thicken and serving it on the side.  Richie is exploring the book Jacques Pepin's Table and he made it.  I told him to make a double batch next time; we'll refrigerate it and have it for more things.

Sufficient coyness -

2 T soy sauce
1 T honey
1/2 teas. dry mustard
1/2 teas. ginger powder
1 teas. cumin
pinch of cayenne
1 T canola oil, but olive oil works just as well.


Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Going Back In Time

Richie continues his reminiscing in the garage.  Yesterday he was apparently in the Old Magazines section because he offered a Newsweek with quotes from the 100 top artists, musicians, movie stars and I thought the names were vaguely familiar - even though this issue was dated 1999.  Since the quote-es were all dead, it didn't seem of particular interest to run any of them.

Happily, this batch also included the June 1, 1998 People.  The cover read "The Many Lives of Frank Sinatra" 1915 1998.  Disappointingly enough there was only a one page article entitled "Very Frank Encounters" which nicely played up Sinatra's somewhat dual nature.  Here are a few.

Author Gay Talese on Sinatra's reaction when a friend of his daughter accidentally shattered an alabaster statuette of a bird; one of a pair.  Frank took a finger and knocked off the other bird off.

Conversely … Hank Cattaneo, Sinatra's production manager said of the usual exit post show.  "The show would be over around 10:30 OR 11 P.M. and Sinatra went straight to dinner, not even to the dressing room.  This was tough on such as Liza Minelli or Sammy Davis who like to shower and/or relax.  Around the last song, there was a mad dash to beat him to the plane. He didn't care who it was that was late, the door was closing once he was on board.

Jerry Scognamillo, owner of Patsy's restaurant in Manhattan remarked  "He ate up crossword puzzles like candy.  In 1983, he invited some people from the New York Times crossword puzzle for dinner.  They were talking and he was giving them ideas.  Scognamillo went on, "He liked his marinara but it had to be made with the whole clove.  They we had to remove the clove because he liked the flavor, but he didn't want to eat the clove.

Jerry Vale and his wife Rita visited him a few weeks before his death on May 14.  Rita teased him, saying "You gonna sit in that chair all night?  C'mon, get up - let's go out" and Sinatra replied, "All right; I'll go back to work.  Who do you want me to hit?"

Comedian Tom Dreesen on saying goodbye after a visit on Christmas Eve.  I said, "Hey, get better; we'll go on the road again."  He looked up at me and put his hand on my cheek and said, "Tommy, you're going to have to go on the road by yourself now."  I looked into his eyes and I could that he knew he would never sing again."

Monday, April 20, 2020

Picnic Lunch Time

When the sun comes out.  Which looks unlikely here today but we were fooled (never difficult) yesterday when we had a lovely dose of it with fat, puffy white clouds here and there in a blue sky.

But to lunch - food figures lively at this house.  It occurred to me that the usual fast food offerings while certainly edible and quite often familiar, are not particularly fascinating because of their familiarity.

Seeking something a little more … vibrant … Fatburger! popped into my mind.  Pluses -while they are a fast food restaurant - I knooow thaaat - I love their onion rings; that hamburgers come in graduated sizes plus pick your toppings.  Our order is always one Original, pickle, onion and mustard; one Large with everything and an order of onion rings and get the three Tabasco products bottles in their little rack to our table.  Since grab and go is now the only means of dining "out" these days, the rings will just have to go nude, as it were, unless you brought along your own Tabasco.

It's probably against the law to consume food in a fast food restaurant's parking lot, pre-select a good spot on the street running along the beach and park on the opposite side of the street.  That and the bike path are both Forbidden!  To say nothing of actually being on the sand.  I think they converted the lifeguard stations to armories with manned staff.  But by entering the law of the land (temporarily) you can still get a lovely view of the water.

My mouth is already feeling the crunch of the crispy coating of the rings.

I wouldn't want any readers to snarl at me because they want to go there, too, and there isn't any there there for them. Where you can find yourself a Fatburger or three - and closes at midnight.

USA - 81
AZ - 4;
 CA - 51.
CO - 1;
IL - 1
NJ - 1
NM 1
NV 15
PA 1
WA 5

The Redondo Beach outlet opens at 10:30 a.m.

Sunday, April 19, 2020

A Pun and a Guessing Game

Vegas strip club dark - "Sorry, we're clothed."

The government now says that sunlight destroys virus quickly.  The Game?  Guess the number of arrests for indecent exposure.

Saturday, April 18, 2020


Just a mishmash - nothing deep and demanding!

Sign hanging off of a residential balcony in Manhattan - MY HUSBAND IS FOR SALE. Nice looking almost-French style balcony.  Someone may have a valuable asset (rent) they're willing to rid of.

Word from a small town in NW France.  Loctudy's population is 4,029 and to orient you further, it's about 20 miles from much larger Quimper (pop. 62,985) home of the world-famous Quimper pottery.

So this news was somewhat disturbing.  In Loctudy if you go out, you have to carry a piece of paper with your name, address, phone number and the purpose of your trek outdoors.  For. the. police, who may well stop you and ask to see it.

My bestie Michelle reports further from Loctudy that she goes online, orders her groceries and pays for them on the computer.  Her husband then drives over and picks theirs up at a drive-through window. She meticulously cleans everything after he delivers it.

On Thursdays, the local farmers send out word of what's seasonal and especially fresh and what it will cost -  for their weekly market every Saturday.

Our markets offer equally unusual visuals.  Yesterday during a visit to the Riviera Village Trader Joe's, everyone was wearing a mask.  Customers, clerks, stock persons.  None were like these two.

Woman #1's mask looked like a bra that had been cut in half, using the bra straps as well as the lorn cup.

Woman #2 was wearing one that frankly made me sneak peeks.  It looked like one of those male thong bathing suits.  Knitted in black (or so it looked) with what looked like a baby elephants trunk descending.  It swayed as she pushed her car with gusto down wine aisles.

I really needed something TJ's doesn't carry - Mind Bleach.

Friday, April 17, 2020


Since Mother's Day is fast approaching and we cannot fete our dear Mothers (Stay six feet away!) and the customary brunch in a posher restaurant than MacDonald's … have a laugh instead.

Remembering the honey of her words...

If I ever hated pictures of me, and complained, she would smile lovingly and ask, "Want a better picture?  Get a better face!"

Dialogue - "Maw-umm, you're in my personal space!"  Mom retorts, "Well you came out of my personal space - that makes us even!"

Guys are not ignored.  On our wedding day my Mom told my bride, "No refunds no exchanges on sales items."

Sibling advice from Mom.  "Be nice to your brother - you might need one of his kidneys some day."

I told my Mom I expected a boyfriend and a new car."  She said, "Ken Doll and a Hot Wheels.  Got it."

"Thanks for loving me almost as much as the dog."

"You're one of my favorite parents!"

"May you forever be mistaken as my sister!"

And then this - I heard the inventor of AutoCorrect died.  I didn't even know he was I'll!

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Disposable Menus

The news broadcast that in future restaurant servers may be wearing masks and gloves and the menu will be throw-away paper.

I am thoroughly familiar with sanitizing one's hands after studying the menu.  It occurred to me long ago and Dee and Mouton let alone Richie are used to putting their menu down, giving the server their order and waiting for me to pass around the bottle of hand sanitizer I carry.

I can only wonder at the people who would whine about a masked, gloved server?  And based on discussions about the upcoming length of this isolation, a moot point at this time.  


Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Masks amd Hair-Dos

This works for me -
Fit the mask comfortably around your face
Bend forward so your hair falls forward
Put string over your ears
Straighten up.
Hair will be under the mask string.  Use comb or fingers as needed.

Coal Miner's Daughter Is 88 Today

Loretta Lynn is celebrating (presumably) her 88th.  She has much to celebrate as she lived an interesting life.  Married at 15, her husband was 21 at the time.  Unpleasant thoughts flicker here in this writer's mind.  Shortly after their marriage in 1948, husband Oliver Vanetta Doolittle Lynn moved them away from home to Custer, WA, where she knew no one. She particularly missed her father who would die age 52 of "black lung" specific to coal miners.

She was seven months pregnant with the first of their six children.  Two of them died - Jack Benny Lynn, drowned while crossing a stream on the ranch on horseback, age 34.  His sister Betty Sue died age 64 from COPD.

"Doo" himself would die age 69 of acute alcoholism. Loretta said "His alcoholism was a factor all of our married life," the widow is quoted as saying.

She wrote "Coal Miner's Daughter," her autobiography in the '70s which became the Oscar-winning movie of the same name with Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones as Loretta and Doo.

If you take the Loretta Lynn Hurricane Mills  Ranch tour (we did) you will see the museum's collections of oddments including the lipstick Patsy Cline had with her on her last flight.  The house ground floor is open to view and the stairway to the upstairs has at least two dolls on every stair.  Her fans, hearing she loved dolls, nearly buried the lower half of the house with them.  The grounds are beautiful there in October - the leaves have turned, the air is crisp and her old touring bus parked at the foot of the hill from the house spur's one's curiosity as to the stories it could tell.

We toured Memphis - Graceland - the security guy helpfully pointed out the window of the bathroom where Elvis died;  Memphis for barbecue and recording studios; Nashville and the Ryman Auditorium, Musicians Row (lots and lots of bars) and more recording studios.  Loretta's place was just the cherry on the sundae.

Monday, April 13, 2020

Vick's VapoRub

Someone is spending all too much time in quarantine … they've come up with a list of More Cures than just a chest cold!  Something I and quite possibly many of you remember un-fondly too.

Insect Repellent - bugs hate it, too or so it is claimed.

Treat Acne - no teen in their right mind would want to run around smelling of it.  Unless, of course, you could tell them one of their current idols swears by it.

Reduce stretch marks - and your baby will never go willing to the breast ever.

Anti-Athletes Foot treatment.  If used long enough, your dog will no longer nose around your feet and you won't worry about tripping over the dog.

Fade Bruises - I find that a daily, over-the-counter magnesium pill works wonders.  No odor, too.

Ease Headaches - smear on upper lip as needed.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

Sunday April 12th

                          A VERY HAPPY 
                     EASTER TO YOU ALL
                                    May you find every egg hidden in your house

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Er, Not Quite the Spirit of Virus Fighting Cheerfully

The Daily Breeze local newspaper caused me to start at part of it yesterday morning.  There I was contentedly sipping my cup of coffee, smoking the first cigarette of the day; all but purring in contentment.  Until I got to the middle of the A section where to my dismay I found a 4-page special section on - local funeral homes and their services!  Adding to my dismay, there followed two pages of little photos of people who had died since January 1, 2020 to April 8th or so with names and birth dates and death dates.  Happily no one either one of us knew.

Today's relevant but rather late special section concerned itself with Toilet Paper.  Some random facts and factoids to inform and amuse.

70 per cent of people start anew roll with the first sheet going over the top of the roll.  Mull on this:  It is estimated that about 4 billion people (70 to 75 per cent of the world's population) do not use rolled toilet paper.  So?  neat stacks of individual sheets?  In actual fact, I really don't want to know.

Onward - The first documented use of toilet paper was in China during the 6th Century.
1879 Rolls are sold and meet a roaring success.
1928 First ads on paper softness
1964  First one-ply scented toilet paper - perfume was added.

Scott Paper Company's first effective ad read "Soft as old linen."  Business was helped by this fact:  it coincided with the increase in indoor plumbing!

The Chinese may have invented (?) toilet paper but today  the U.S. supplies most of the paper products - paper, paper towels, diapers and more - 2/3rds of all production of same but, China exports about 5 per cent from their mills.

Friday, April 10, 2020

The Other Half Plus an Amusement for Lockdown

Within the last two days a series of jokes that are truly hysterical have been floating around in cyberspace.  The previous version was that there would be two groups post-virus -- Half would have become amazing chefs; the other half would develop a drinking problem.  Remember those?  Yeah, me, too.

Today may I offer the arrivals last night:

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

Home-schooling is going well  - 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think that anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, that we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. (Would that it did)

Day 5 of Home-schooling - one of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

If your own home - lovely as it is - begins to pall, indulge yourself! First create an imaginary Lotto win, then dial up  Today's they're pushing the penthouse of the late Barbara and Frank Sinatra.   Take the online tour.  If you're really in a pissy mood, call the agent listed and bullshit a tour out of him/her.  

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Beat Cabin Fever!

Buy my latest book - 

"And the Best Blog Is ... Word of Mouth" by Nina Murphy 

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Going Out to Lunch in the Days of the Plague

It can be done and here's one way to do it.

Get out a map of your area, pinpoint your town and, taking a compass (the kind architects use, not sailors - oh!  unless you live on a boat.) and make a circle 50 miles away from you on all sides or 25 whatever  distance you are willing to go. Attach a thumbtack to ground the string.  Tie a pencil or pen to the long end of the distance and carefully, using both hands press the thumbtack and the marking device in a circle.  You can always consult YouTube for help.

Don't have a compass?  Pish tosh.  Make one!  Measure out on a string the fixed distance it will travel or the distance you are willing to go.   Thumbtack the string to the center of your town and then mark.

Part 2
Study the interior of your circle.  Hmmm - see anything new?  "Marge!  Look at this! - show your find - we've never ever been there!  Let's look it up and see what there is that we can look at."

What's the best restaurant there?  Do they have take out?  If so, read the menu.  Anticipation of a dish you like in a new restaurant can add to the adventure flavor of this excursion.  Or, if none appealing, and the scenery is the big deal, pack yourselves a picnic!  

Easey peasey - an adventure!

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

A Flicker of Hope

Coronavirus - USA

Cases    380,918
Deaths    11,910
Recovered  21,309


Cabin Fever and Some Ideas

Cabin Fever is recognized by experts (not named in this research) and is defined as a "syndrome" meaning it's not grown up enough to be a phobia and may be linked to Seasonal Afflictive Disorder or SAD frequently found in areas of heavy cold weather.  They always run pictures of front doors snowed in and so forth.

Now we get to make the acquaintance of enforced cabin fever.  Either way you're basically trapped in your domicile.  And as much as we love our houses … been there, seen there, lived there fa chrisake!

Research turned up suggestions:
Start a new book - a friend's suggestion, the NY Times Best Seller list. Look up local book clubs and ask them for the names of the three books they most recently discussed - and ask, "Why?"  At worst you'll have a nice visit with a stranger.

Start a new hobby - don't cook?  Get out in the kitchen!  A new recipe can be a real mood changer especially if you and your Significant Other work on it together.  If one of you despises broccoli, best not try anything with it.  Common sense.

Get interested in cell phone photography and document your garden or a particular favorite room in the house - pretend you're taking pictures to sell  your house - shoot the selling points!

Maybe change the furniture around - change your cabin so to speak.  Just be careful in the bedroom - that cute little nightstand there - won't it get in the way during pitch black sojourns to the bathroom?

Board games are a possibility IF you aren't both sharing extreme cabin fever.  There-in lies vivid (for the neighbors) arguments.

I especially recommend "Jeopardy" because the show writers are right.  You have no grounds for dispute.  But to satisfy warlike natures, keep score and then argue about that after the show.

The backgammon board was discovered among some stuff in the hall closet and Himself said, "We ought to play some," and I agreed with enthusiasm.  That was four days ago.  We've been too busy since then.

Monday, April 6, 2020

Chicken Soup to Church Signs

Chicken Soup

The Daily Mail offered an article on buying the universal "at least it makes you feel like you're getting better" Chicken Soup at nine various local restaurants.  Very generous of these restaurants; however, you can certainly make your own and here is my recipe -

1 can Swanson's Chicken Broth or other chicken broth brand
Beat in one teaspoon cayenne  powder
Beat in one teaspoon of garlic powder
Heat and eat.
one teaspoon onion powder optional
Pour the hot soup in a coffee mug, get comfortable in your favorite chair and pick up the book you're reading.

Church Signs

I try to make these as religion non-specific as possible so as not to offend anyone. source:

6 inches apart today
Is better than six feet under tomorrow

Services cancelled:
God making house calls today

Wash your hands; don't touch your face Hygenesis 24.:7

Shout 'Hosanna!' but first, step six inches back

Wash and be clean  Isaiah 1:16  (What did Isaiah know and when? 9a)

Fear not - God
Love one another - Jesus
Wash your hands - CDC

Give us clean hands
Give us Purell hearts

Religious duty cleans the heart
We disinfect the pews

Sunday, April 5, 2020

Social Commentators Say the Damndest Things

Or send a cartoon - such as:

A minister with a Super Soaker at the ready and six feet away, a proud Dad holds up the kid and the caption is:  Social Distancing Baptism

Picture a hillbilly on his front porch (didn't know lean-to's had porches) and he is saying:

"Marry a short woman and keep your guns on the top shelf.  She may still get you, but at least you'll hear her dragging the chair across the floor."

More as they come in ..

Saturday, April 4, 2020

Making Distinctive (If Not Stylish) Personal Masks

This morning's Daily Breeze had a nice little front page feature on civilians (as opposed to Big Pharma) generously making masks for others with directions farther back in the article.  A lovely thing to do, no?  People have been by-and-large very generous with offers of help - going to the store; you need anything?  Toilet paper donations vs. hoarding …

Incidentally if you don't want to turn your house into a TP Warehouse, you might consider investing (and it is an investment - $5,000 up)  in a Japanese toilet.  They come with all kinds of bells and whistles  and use water to delicately clean the area of interest (to phrase it delicately.)

Japanese toilets are of no interest to most of us who are not millionaires.  So - what about these?

Call your vet and ask to buy a Collar of Shame sized Big Dog.  You will not be touching your face.  Clear vision - this is important because I have found that most masks cause your glasses to steam up.  Please don't drive with your mask on (and don't text either.)

Want "different"?  Stylish?  Express yourself?  Hie your little butt over to a 99Cent Store, Dollar Tree or equivalent and stock up on bandannas.  Wear them like a bandit or bank robber.  To block possible virus cooties, fold the bandanna in the appropriate triangle, lay it flat and spray starch the hell out of it.

The easiest of all is to wear a turtleneck top and just pull it up when in public - such as the supermarket.  Cart full, paid for and you're heading for your car in the lot.  Put the neck back and drive away. It's okay to feel a quiet satisfaction at helping to defeat the enemy.

Friday, April 3, 2020

In Praise of Julia Child

given by Jacques Pepin and a lot of other famous chefs, all of whom worked with her at one time or another.  She was (rightfully) universally adored by all although Pepin does admit "We fought all of the time!"  And Pepin was 20+ years younger!   He recounts that they would fight over using black or white pepper(depends on the dish I opine) and stealing ingredients from each other's mises on the sly.

They both liked to drink "and we did," says Pepin.  With or without any alcohol as fuel, Pepin has said to many inquiries, "She was exactly the same off camera or on.  She was never pretending."

"Dishing with Julia Child" starts tonight Friday, April 3rd on PBS SoCal at 10 with a back to back episode at 10:30 p.m.

Guest chefs are slated to be Martha Stewart, Eric Ripert, Jose Andres, Rick Bayless and several more.  This is the kind of show that particularly appeals because - let's be frank here - it's a bunch of people criticizing one person - along with some no doubt judiciously chosen praise.  

And a chance to re-visit an old friend.  I look forward to seeing her again.

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Oh What the Hell - This Isn't Going To Last Forever So While It Is Here - Laugh!

One good thing the virus is doing - I bet we're all hearing from people we haven't heard from in some time.  "Welcome back!" as I deleted 206 messages the other day.  That's E Traffic!

And almost everyone sends jokes for which we should all be grateful.

So, in an effort to ingratiate myself with you readers,  some of them.

Random Humor
An intern wearing a mask seemingly fashioned from the bottom half, back, of a pair of leopard print bikini underpants.

Want Ad:  "Corona-free man seeks Corona-free woman with toilet paper.  Send picture of toilet paper"

Real Estate Agent to young couple in a living room:  "Now that you have seen the home, could you see yourselves being quarantined here?"

Church Billboards (am a real sucker for these)

Cremation: last chance for a smokin' hot body

Love is Grand; Divorce is about 20 Grand.

Be the kind of person your pet thinks you are.

Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

Vote for Bernie Biden this September and we can beat Reagan.

Biden's malaprops are well-known nationwide along with speculation about his mental acuity.  I'm not picking on him by a long shot.  .

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

When You Have To Make Your Own Fun for April Fool's Jokes

Back in the day, when most of us were working in an office, what I found by exploring online would have been possible.  For example - a long shot of what looks like a high school major corridor.  the open locker doors clued me.)   Every bit of floor is covered with small paper cups of water.  How can it be cleaned up?  Bribe the janitor.

One merry prankster sowed quick-growing grass seed in a co-workers computer keyboard. Must have been on a Friday night so that Monday morning - a full lawn on the keyboard.  Or it could have been keyboard twins and a switch out.

Love Candied Apples?  Have you tried Caramel Onions?  Selected a number of similar-sized brown onions, melt the caramel normally sold with the apples, insert a popsicle stick  and hand them out promising a "delicious surprise!  Here!  Try one!"  White onions are recommended - they've got a powerful flavor.  Vidalia onions just might be very good!  Not the point of the joke!

You'll have to make a trip away from the house, but buy a couple of air horns, (hardware store?) mount them on the back of a door as a door protector … kid bangs the door opening on a run through the house?  Diaper change.  If you're in an office, mount the air horn under the office chair seat.  Makes a whoopie cushion look mighty small potatoes.

Kids - this is for your parents.  When the bath soap is completely dry, find and take Mom's clear nail polish and coat the soap generously (and carefully) with it and put the bar back in the soap dish when it has dried.

Be sure to offer your victims a big toothy smile as you purr, " April Fool's!  - Gotcha!"