Thursday, October 3, 2019

When Department Stores Go Senile and Confused

Case in point today is the 171 years old New York landmark Hammacher Schlemmer.  The confusion that comes free of charge with their catalogs seems to be between whether they are a medical store, gadget purveyor or home yard decorations (Halloween and Christmas are covered in the issue I got the other day.  Let us examine the offerings, presented here randomly.

In just two pages - Medical:  back and joint pain reliever - which is only a cut -down rowing machine $169.95
Lady's Posture Improving Slippers Designed by an orthopod with a deep heel cup $79  And they are ugly ass.  An old woman's shapeless open heel mess - a picture of a Parisian concierge flashed into my mind.
The Biofeed Posture Trainer.  Composed of straps across the back (no front view) the straps either beep or vibrate to tell you to "Straighten up,, dammit!" which I would find greatly unnerving.  $79.95

Moving on to home décor - a 2-story tall inflatable Grinch for your front yard.  $399.95
The Colossal 16 ft. inflated Snoopy $399.95
The 16. ft. Glowing Inflatable Jack O-Lantern  $299.95  The open mouth with LED lights might prove a little tempting for neighborhood kids who think it's a bouncy house.  $299.95 plus any lawsuit charges.
The 2-story Inflatable Black Cat  To say it looks grotesque is understatement.  It is leering in a very unhealthy way.  $299.95 to get the nabe in an uproar.

Christmas décor - the ubiquitous Thomas Kinkade pops up with a 6' pop-up already-decorated Christmas tree.  His works are printed on the ribbons galumphing down the sides.  For storage it folds flat In a storage bag you can get for $29.95.  The tree is $199.95  Pop-up Christmas!  How modren, , dahling.  

The Thomas Kinkade Illuminated Teardrop-shaped front door sconce.  The center is a snowman holding a lamppost (what's that all about?) and the whole thing has LED lighting.  The color scheme is lavender (!) and white.  Go figure.

I omitted gadgets deliberately as I don't fancy reading the joys of owning the best nose and ear hair trimmer on the market, leave your barber forever with this handy little clipper set; the only 4 in. long pop-out umbrella and so on.  If interested just google  You're on your own, pal.

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