Monday, June 1, 2020

Having a Riot* of a Night!

The 6 p.m. news was a constant  giving us local and world news; natural disasters "Volcano eats five little children in the great Ice Floe Accident.  Careless parents cited.  Cruise ship line regrets."

Not these days.  I fully expect that commercials in the immediate future (i.e. tonight) for the station will go like this:  For your dining pleasure, ABC 7  proudly presents live! and in color riot coverage!  Our helicopters are costing us a fortune in gas so as they're up there from 10 a.m. to last bust at night.  Pick up your pre-dinner cocktail and settle on your beat-up divan, call for delivered dinner and loll deeper in the couch and enjoy the fun!  Live!

Late Night TV Commercial -
Comes with a sledgehammer to deal with those pesky stores that think a locked door can stop us! (chortle)  In addition you get a fold-away hand truck for the big stuff like 55 in. TVs.  As a "thank you for your purchase" we are including four designer pillow cases!  Two for each hand for the smaller but no less profitable items.  May we suggest perfume, famous name face creams, perfume and/or  jewelry.  Additionally,  we will throw in a large container of powdered milk and a bottle of water.  Don't suffer the stinging effects of tear gas!

All of this packed in our special Lotter's Kit Bag for the low, low price of $1,200.  After all, we need to make a living, too!  What better way than to score off of the dudes that got the loot!

This ad paid for by Looters At Large, a subsidiary of Bilkers R Us.

Amuse yourself at dinner by tallying the number of looters sporting our distinctive kit bags!  You're in good company!

*  The anti-looting comments by this author are directed to the ANTIFA thugs, who have probably never seen a window or a lock they didn't want to break.

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