Thursday, April 18, 2019

What To Be Careful About If You're Cheating on Your Spouse in NY City

The Doorman where you live:  They notice when you have "gentlemen callers" and your legal mate is out of town.  Whether or not they'll rat you out may depend on the amount of your Christmas tip.

The Maitre'd - When you make a reservation at a restaurant that has one.  Especially if you made an off-the-books reservation or ask for tables in "Siberia" the wildly unpopular part of the restaurant and offer cash to pay the bill.  One maitre'd told Town and Country that he's trained staff never to say, "Nice to see you again!"   because the woman with him may start asking, "So?  Who were you here with? Hmmm"

The Concierge - tip-offs that you may not be with your spouse -  are … you want to pay the bill in cash.  You might argue about having to leave a credit card number for an incidentals incurred during your stay there.  You didn't bring any luggage … what if someone at home noticed your overnighter was missing?

The Florist - The wife gets the higher-priced bouquet.  You sign the card with just initials (presumably yours) to the sweetheart.  The mistress gets lower entry flowers (but possibly with a bit of jewelry tucked among the blossoms to make up for it.)

And finally, the most unlikely to happen - the Real Estate agent - with whom you negotiate a lease on quarters for the mistress.  Please!  Guys still pay apartment rents these days?  I don't. think. so.  Of course I'm not in the running for a mega-million beaux either.

This is the thing about Town and Country … they go along nicely and then they throw in something so patently absurd that you can't do anything but laugh.  It's the only reason I pay $12 a year to get it.      

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