Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Ladies! We Have a New Idol!

As opposed to the #Me, Too trash, we have a genuine female to emulate and adore.

Yesterday, I had the annual 30,000 miles inspection at the Ob/gyns.  Dr. J and I have been friends since my first appointment with him in 1987.    We have lived through his first engagement -she dumped him and broke his heart, but he proved to be resilient and found another.  They married; they had two sons (now 27 and 23) and she magically turned into an alcoholic.  Onward we went through a long and extremely vicious divorce.   I say "we" to indicate my total support.  Dr. J is as a lamb to the slaughter in some instances.

Then his mother died; a lovely obit in the local paper, so I got out my monogramed note paper (possibly the last of this means of communication in North America) and wrote him a condolence note.

Yesterday, he pulled it out of my file and thanked me for it.  He said that she had been 94 and we agreed that was a good run.  I asked about his father (to see how old he could be) and he said, "Oh, he died 15 years ago."

"How sad for her," I said to be alone all of that time and at that age.  He grinned and said, "Oh, she wasn't alone - she had a boyfriend!  A doctor."

Awed, I said, "A doktuh?"  And he replied, "Yes, a doctor who liked to sit on his wallet!"

Unimpressed now, I said that they're all cheap (never having dated one anyhow;)  You should have gotten her a lawyer!  They spend like crazy!"

To which he said, rather emphatically, "Sure - because they're all drunk all of the time!"

I replied, "And you say that like it's a bad thing?!"  

He grinned and said, (wait for it) Her boyfriend was 10 years younger!"

"OMG!" I nearly screamed - "She's my new idol!"

To any men who may have strayed into this column, all of my married female friends have said, to a woman, "If something happened to my precious (insert name here) I would never remarry.  Never!  It was too hard breaking in the first one."

So comfort yourselves, gentlemen, your wives all plan  to be more or less faithful to your beloved memory.  And most of us wives have urged them to remarry if (tragically you may be sure) we pre-decease you.  I even have the perfect candidate picked out for Richie!  I did ask though that he not propose at the graveyard as a small courtesy.

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