Friday, May 12, 2017

"What Fresh Hell Is This?" Dorothy Parker 1893-1967

So often it seems that there are fad news stories.  Most recently airline passenger abuse stories were the rage.  The doctor on a United flight, whopped and dragged off spurred a great many laughs as the quick-witted among us invented airline "slogans" to amuse the rest of us. 

Next up at bat for system abuse was American with the woman who tried to board with something like four kids, an enormous back pack, various suitcases and a stroller the size of a Volkswagen.  The FA, the gate attendant had all told her that the stroller would have to be stowed in the hold.  She refused.  FA grabbed the stroller in anger and apparently nearly clipped the baby with it.  Woman goes batshit nuts and was heard telling another passenger that "I did this two months ago and it was okay!"    Once okay is not always okay.

United:  "Flight attendant made me pee in a cup in front of everyone!" an aggrieved female flyer.  What was left out of the story in most of the press was:  the woman boarded, knowing full well that she had an over-active bladder - in fact, she told the FA that she did.   The seat belt sign was on because the plane was experiencing turbulence.  Airplane toilets do not have seat belts and getting up to minister to this idiot in turbulence is not something FAs like to do despite great medical from AA.

Were she not intelligence-challenged, knowing her medical condition, she would have been wearing a pair of adult diapers. 

By accident, I found an old Website I'd mentioned in a column back in 2009 called  I checked it; still up and running!   You want to hear stories!  The selfish mother; the fat lady who ebbed in a tide of fat into your lap ...

Given the additional chance for sensationalism for poor passengers, tonight starts the major move at LAX for Delta and American and a host of other airlines, many of whom I have never heard.   This is predicted to go on for the next five nights as the entire ground-working staff is shifted  from one side to the other.  "Hundreds" of  volunteer green-jacketed guides are said to be employed to help travelers.  The media has been full of this story.

And we both know, some dingbat will get "confused," get into "a situation" with someone and headlines will trumpet their idiocy for all the rest of us to see.

Stay home and avoid flying in or out of LAX for two weeks if you can possibly do it.  Hell, fly Southwest, they're at the other end of the airport.  You may have to fly to another destination than planned, but factor in the delay and pick a springboard city that will get you to Japan or wherever.

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