Sunday, May 28, 2017

Wedding Rings, Blown Clutches and Book Blurbs

I read that Gregg Allman had died and idly asked Richie if he thought that Cher (former wife #3) would go to the funeral.  I pointed out that if all of his previous wives (7) attended and his five kids, each from a different ex-wife,  the front pew would be a bit of a tight fit for all of them.

Number 7 was actually the resident wife (incumbent?) when Allman fell off of the perch.  They married in 2012 when he was 64 and she was 24.   

I wonder if they all go if the seating will be according to tenure, with Wife #1 on the aisle, Wife #2, second in and so forth. Or the reverse - with #7 on the aisle to better throw herself across the coffin.   This is not an etiquette problem many of us are familiar with as it's rare for a man to have had seven wives.  A woman, no.  You've only to consider the track records - or aisle records - of such as ZsaZsa Gabor and Elizabeth Taylor.  Such virtuous girls - clearly they wouldn't "do it! horror! without a wedding ring. 

There has been a change in scoring for the winner of right now's Indy 500, blasting from TVs near you.  From the LA Times:  Team Penske has four of the top five drivers in the IndyCar standings, has won the last three races of this season, and added two-time Indy 500 winner Juan Pablo Montoya to today's line up. 

The thing to shoot for is clearly second.  Don't over-exert yourselves, drivers, a Penske something will win.  Make your best effort and go for it!  Second!  You can do it!  Money talks and bullshit sits by the side of the track with a blown engine.
Very often book publishers do a double by getting quotes from other authors, praising the brand-new book's author and run them on the back cover.  Supposedly, if you like XYZ's books, and XYZ says this is a good read (funny, they never, ever run pans) then you will hotfoot it in to your bookstore and buy a copy. 

Meanwhile XYZ is getting publicity for his/her book by praising yours.  Everybody wins!

My third book - a collection of these columns - will be coming out soon and I want distinguished authors praising it, too.  Trouble is, no one even vaguely well-known has ever heard of me.  So, forced to rely on my own  creativity, see what you think of these ...

"Girrrlll, we could have had some giggles!"  Oscar Wilde  1854-1900

"Kin we tawk?"  Joan Rivers  1933-2014

"You're too nice.  You have to let the rabid, feral you out!"  Rodney Dangerfield  1921-2004

"My writers want a copy of this - can I get a discount?"  Bob Hope  1903-2003

Who's gonna sue?  No one.  They're all dead!  ha ha ha ha

No comments: