Saturday, February 25, 2017

Dear God - Don't Bury My Ashes in a Snow Globe with a PLASTIC Base!

The Daily Mail this morning offered an article on tasteful (doubtful) or creative (decidedly so) ways to preserve a loved ones ashes.  Naturally this piqued my curiosity.  Hello, Google?!  Me again.

Billed as the Heavenly Globe of Tears, it is a snow globe with non-alcoholic anti-freeze, a photo of the deceased and a plastic base.  Your choice of a variety of base styles - red/white/blue for a patriot or silver or gold plastic.  How tacky! 

If you are an ardent environmentalist, become a coral reef!  The ashes are mixed with concrete and then the concrete is made into a reef, let dry and put in the water.  All this to forever sleep with the fishies (are you paying attention Mafia chieftains?)   at a cost of between $2,495 up to $6,995.

Can't bear to be parted?  Find a tattoo artist that will mix ashes into the ink for a memento that will last as long as you do.  Depending on whether or not you get a massive infection from sloppy work and survive. 

Holy Smoke of Stockton, AL will add ashes to hand made bullets, tastefully engraved with the name or initials of the deceased. 

Cremation Solutions will construct a bust of you from photos, insert the ashes in the base and charge $600 to $2,600 for it.

Unusual containers would be - a mock pizza delivery box (made of poplar wood and painted)  or a container made to look like a Craftsman toolbox, $349.95.  Both, of course, can bear the name (especially the pizza box to avoid situations like "Man I was really like stoned and I opened the wrong pizza box") and I think the Craftsman dweller should add this line: " Gone to fix Heaven." 

In the Light Urns are offering an hourglass to contain the ashes "for generations."  They then add the disclaimer that the hourglass may not be accurate, depending on the size of the burned bones in the ashes. 

I can't figure this out, but the ashes are turned into a vinyl record album with favorite artist or songs.
A comment from England re wife's final resting place in an album:  Well she did go on and on - like a broken record.  The Website name?  Vinyly.

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