Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Welcome To The House of Wet Kleenex

Richie got it first and four days later, so did I.  If I wanted to be fancy (or name drop - Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are both said to have it, cancelling Sandringham for the first time in years) I'd refer to it as the British do - "a streaming cold" meaning that your nose and eyes are streaming water.  Or germy water, if you will.  As an accompaniment, you are also served a husky helping of incessant coughing.

It's a tough call as to which is the more annoying - your coughing most of the time or someone else coughing most of the time.  Just lump'em together and say "Ghastly."

Being a strong believer in Western medicine, I've got two different brands of cough syrup - His and Hers -  (both maximum strength - to which I say "Hah!") as well as an OTC mucus breaker.  Today I go Benadryl-ling. 

But before I loaded up the kitchen with more clearly-useless remedies I decided to see what online had to say.  And most revealing it was, too.  Homeopathic remedies are said by their practitioners to address disease in the body with infused health via various plants, liquids and substances.  NO, not that kind of "substance" which usually has "abuse" next to it.    On the other hand, a good deep snort of Peruvian marching powder just might be the thing ...

Where was I - oh! Online.  One site recommended having lots of lemon juice, curry, ginger, turmeric, cinnamon or cayenne to wake up the body!  Make that sucker ziiing! 

There were two other ideas recommended by the site BUT NOT BY ME.  The following information is provided for your amusement and not as anything anyone would actually do although they do seem relatively harmless.

The first involves your feet.  The instructions were to wash your feet in a basin until they are a rosy pink, then yank on a pair of wet, frozen socks that you have pulled out of the freezer.  Still moving quickly pull a  pair of dry, heavy warm socks over then and go on to bed.  It is believed (by some) that the resulting shock will direct your cold to go elsewhere. 

The second involved putting a chemical in  your ears so we're going to skip that one.

In addition or in substitution, put six peeled garlic cloves in a half cup of honey, let them settle in together which will thin the honey and then drink a spoonful at intervals through out the day.  The copy was somewhat confused at this point - or I was - because it said you could eat onion rings.  Onion rings are my very favorite go-with for a sandwich or appetizer with drinks.  After further consideration, I finally figured that you substitute raw rings of onion for the garlic cloves.

I would prefer to get an order of onion rings and douse them with honey and Tabasco sauce.  Two birds or rings with one magic elixir.  What's not to like about that?

Financial tip - Buy all of the shares in Kleenex you can afford - we're doing our best to make it profitable for you ...

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