Never mind Smokey the Bear; keep an eye out for a park ranger. They are incredibly helpful since their duties include searching for lost hikers (but don't call for their help if you're just tired of marching - they won't put up a helicopter for that) fight fires, arrest poachers (both flora and fauna), conduct public health inspections, manage wild life and look out for fugitives.
Some counsel from them - if you get lost, stay right where you are (unless in the middle of a raging river) and spread out a shiny reflective aluminum blanket to make your presence known. They fold up into an incredibly small packet that weighs only a few ounces. Worst case, grab your girlfriend's make up mirror.
Don't pose like you're falling off of a cliff. The snap-happies very often do fall. And then a helicopter will be sent. Complete with body bags.
Keep your distance from the animals. Yes, a pair of cuddly little baby bears are adorable, but they have a Mamma who will tear you limb from limb for messin' with them.
Less threatening (and the rangers all report seeing them) are the nude Yoga practitioners, nude hikers (talk about "Wow! How'd you get that?!") and outdoor sex.
They also must be rather patient people - some questions they've fielded -
"Is the Grand Canyon man-made?"
"What time do you feed the animals?"
"What time do you turn on the waterfalls?"
H/T Readers Digest
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