Sunday, November 30, 2014

Now, Now, Nothing For Us To Worry About ...

What are we to be "calm" about?  Town & Country, "Pretensions Since 1843," ran a brief article on how much to tip the doormen at your apartment building and other part-time help. 

I find the idea risible as there are very few doorman buildings in So. Calif. (If you live in one, contact me immediately!  I've got to see this!)  Our outside help is drive by for the most part.  The cleaner comes on Monday, the pool guy (and we do have those, just not doormen) on Thursday and so it goes.

Town & Country warns us all to expect to be outdone by the Big Spenders who enjoy making others look like pikers.  There's always a spoiler around, isn't there?   

When you read what the Average Joe pays, you will have to add "living in Southern California" for an additional giving thanks next year. 

The average tipper
Regular babysitter - double the nightly wage
Uber driver - nothing; the tip is included in the fare
Lawn guy - $20 and a  beer
Dog walker - Starbucks gift card
Hair stylist - champagne or chocolate and a 30 per cent tip
Mailman - a card (coals to Newcastle) or a cup of hot chocolate
Maitre'd - a handshake hiding a C note

The spoilers
Babysitter - an Apple watch
Uber driver - increase the amount on your app so the driver gets a bigger tip
Lawn guy - $200
Dog walker  - $300 or a pair of new Nike*s
Hair stylist - a watch or a cashmere blanket or designer clothing and a 40% tip.  (Hair dressing is looking better and better as a career re-arrangement...)
U.S. Postal workers are limited to a $20 gift
Maitre' d - handshake and from $400 to $1,200 - the hell with hair dressing, right?  I think all of us are gifted with the ability to smile and spot an empty's the one with clean napkins and no one sitting there

* new Nikes is fairly creative for a rich person, but kind of demeaning, too, in a way.  "Too bad you can't afford new walking shoes, dude" - ish.  Which is ... boorish.

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