Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A Lighthearted Look at Death

"That's not possible!" you snarl?  "Death is Serious Business" (loftily.  Well, of course it is; I'm not disrespecting Mr. Death, but you don't have to be so damned grim about it!

First, you must believe that every living thing on this planet is going to (eventually) die.  Which would include you. But if you don't "believe" in death for us all but do believe you will merely be transported back to your home planet, then go do the dishes or wax your car or something.  We don't need you here.

I think of death as the Last Big Adventure.  No one has ever come back and described where they had been or what they had been doing, so why not go with the adventure theory?  

Now let's move to the fun stuff -- the "afters" of your funeral.  Afters is a word in common usage to describe the reception given attendees after you have been disposed of - with suitable lamentations, tears and wracking sobs, of course.

By the way, have your remains cremated to avoid that nasty scene at the cemetery when a grieving relative/friend tries to throw themselves into the grave with you.  Posted signs reading "Single Occupancy Only" have proved to be less than effective.

It's afters time!  It's your duty as host (as it were) to provide an open bar, food and ensuing gaiety.  Helpful hint:  order the champagne servers to re-fill a flute even if it's only a third empty.  Let's kick start this party!

Consider opening the karaoke session with a rousing rendition of Vera Lynn's "We'll meet again" which is perfect for this event and was very popular during WW2.  Cheery, upbeat - all of the things you'd want to comfort the crowd. 

And make sure you have transportation available for inebriated guests.  You don't want them all piling in on you at once before you've settled in.

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