Monday, December 23, 2013

Dear Santa: Please Bring Me Some Liniment!

Dear Santa,

I realize that I am a great deal older than your usual customers, but necessity must respond  to an honest request.    In case you don't remember me from previous years (quite some time ago) I was the one of who lived at 6316 Chestnut Avenue from 1945 to, probably 1955.  Obviously I am a great deal older than I was.  (I'm 73, actually.)

Nevertheless, you're known world-wide  for a generous disposition and I need that liniment!    

If you must know (and I suppose you do) Richie taped the Rolling Stones Summer in the Sun concert in Hyde Park, London.  He taped it because it was going to run at 9 p.m. and that's my bed time. 

So, after "Jeopardy" the other night (ends 7:30 p.m. here) he ran the tape.  Having had a few adult beverages (for digestion purposes only, of course) I went wild!

First of all I have loved (collectively, not individually) the Stones from their very beginning.  I've always considered the Beatles as rather ... effeminate at best.   They were very cute, to be sure, but the Stones were the bad boys of rock'n roll. 

So I'm getting into it (the concert) and "Brown Sugar" comes on and I can't just Sit There!  So I began prancing like Jagger all around the living room, arm  gestures and all.

I could see myself in the reflection from the balcony door and I was SMOKIN' Santa.  Real word about that. 

Living up there at the North Pole, you may not think that anyone could dance like a maniac in a pair of Ugg boots.  Here to tell you - doable.   But the next morning I  discovered that prancing will render your front, upper thighs virtually unusable.  You better be ready to support your own weight when sitting down or standing up.  Furthermore  the day after that you will discover muscles you never knew you had in your upper arms. 

Therefore the request for liniment.  Frankly, neither one of us is as young as we used to be so don't Bogart the liniment okay?

Thanking you in advance for what I'm sure will be a positive response,

Best regards, 
Aged Rocker

Richie's cousin Ruth Ellen wrote, "I was told that I wouldn't go to Heaven if I marked my body with a tattoo -- or was a Rolling Stones fan!"  And I wrote back, "Well worth excommunication!"

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