Various ...

Insulted by a librarian
Richie and I were checking out books and movies and our clerk looked us both over and said, "Did you know we're doing a new program? (without waiting for an answer from either of us,) she went on, "It's for proficiency in English for adults!"

I must have stepped back a pace as I feverishly tried to think how to respond to this.  Hercule Poirot's little gray cells were whirling in the empty space between my ears. I didn't want to offend her, but on the other hand, I am a professional writer!  (Meaning I get paid for writing!) ((sometimes)).

So I smiled (non-lethally) and murmured, "I'm not sure I need it - I'm working on my fourth book right now.  I'm a writer."

Undaunted, unashamed and with what I consider to be brazen nerve, she said, "Well, it's a very interesting program, as she continued checking our choices out.  Safely outside of her hearing, I expressed my indignation to Richie as we headed for the parking lot.  And his reaction?  He laughed.

Mistaken identity and then some
A man wrote the following exchange to the Reader's Digest.  He and his wife stopped in to a restaurant for lunch after working at their flea market booth.  He said that he and his wife have to have a lot of dollar bills in their business, so when the check came, they paid it in dollar bills.

Their waitress looked at the tab, looked at all of the bills and said to his 70 year old wife, "You had a good night dancing last night, huh?"