Monday, April 6, 2015

In The Hospital

This will, of necessity be a little vague; I was doped up to the eyebrows.  An even up to today, vague traces of the anesthesia linger.  They gave me all of this because the ER MD said, "I'm going to give you a light dose of morphine because we need x-rays of your spine and a CT scan of your brain - the fall - and we're going to be moving you around (apologetically) and it's going to hurt."  (What good news!  /sarc)

I would come to find that this involves "musical gurneys."  Having been shot, I was gurney-ed up to a private room and left to the tender ministering of the nurses.

Time passed and I was told, we're going for the CT scan now and away we went.  Next the first transfer from gurney to gurney.  This involves them matching table heights exactly, picking up my sheet and sliding me, tenderly as a soufflé, to the CT table.  Zip, zip - second transfer and back to the room.   

Time passed and then "We're taking you down for the x-rays now."  Third and forth transfers and this time it was painful.  Chinese acrobats aren't put into poses like these were.  But the transfers were as smooth as calf slobber on a door knob.

Time is passing - did I want to order dinner?  I elected for cream of potato.  It was as thick as Chinese algebra.  But it was filling.

Another doctor came in and showed us a Xerox of one view of the x-rays.  He showed me the little crack where the neck of the humerus was "fractured."  

Repair would be done tomorrow.  Friday.

The next morning I expected to be taken down to the OR around 7:30 or 8 a.m.  Not so.  A long day stretched out, brightened by my day nurse, Charles.  He was drop dead gorgeous with clear blue eyes and black hair.  Alas, he also had A Partner.  Then the blood samples lab guy appeared and he was so  hot that he made Charles look like a dog's dinner.  Many of the nurses seemed to be of Philippine or Mexican heritage and they, too, were absolutely gorgeous.   Gentlemen:  you know where to find them now.

Anyhow we had a long wait and laughed long and hard during it.  His experiences as a Traveling Nurse and some of his private patients were hilarious.  He only works weekends now; he's in school studying for a nursing Master during the week.  Beautiful and smart.  

Finally - probably @ 3:30 - I was taken down for the surgery.  A brief conversation with the surgeon about what would happen and the anesthesiologist  put me down like an old dog.  But probably not the gentle caring affection.

I came to (sort of) back in my own room.  Due to the drugs, I spent a night in hallucinations  - some I remembered - a paramedic sneaked in a breast caress and outraged, I yelled "That's a 13 year old boy!"  They switched rooms on me because when I came true I was in a different room but with a disturbing view - some of the original stuff was still there, but there were additions that made it very disorienting.  It was also 2:30 a.m. and the sun was as bright as a new day.  The red planet thing it turned out; I didn't find that out until later.

I couldn't stop waking up at ungodly hours - next day it was 3a.m., then 4.  It takes a long day indeed to get to 9 a.m.   Especially the only interruption was taking of blood, checking my BP and whatever else they did to me, such as giving me shots for nausea, vitamins in pill form and I had  an IV line running the whole time I was there.  "Re -hyradtion" said Charles. 

A further note on the room switcheroo.  Next door was a room furnished like mine, but with a bunch of boxes and equipment; room objects that were different...So perhaps I wasn't Entirely Crazy after all.

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