Halloween is for Kids and Lazy Adults

And I am in the latter group.  Apparently there are several degrees of celebration, ranging from flinging the front door wide open, putting a chair in the doorway and holding out a huge bowl of candy to anything that passes (including neighborhood dogs) on down to turning out all of the house lights and hiding. 

My style is certainly not to sit in the dark in a closet.  I detest anything that might interfere with my comfort and that definitely would.  I learned this from our cats.

In the past - say 25 years ago - I would get nearly as excited as Richie and I ooh-ed and ah-ed over the costumes that came to our door.  We lived in an apartment in those years and then bought a two-story house which promptly iced my ardor for Halloween because the living room is upstairs and the front door is downstairs.

Richie, however, still gets as excited as a little kid.  He runs back and forth to the kitchen window which overlooks the street scouting for customers.  "They're on the other side of the street now, in front of the Browns!" and then he hoofs it across the living room and thunders down the stairs.  It makes me tired just watching these antics and his swift movements scare the cats.  They slink under our bed and sulk.  I can assure you, they hate Halloween. 

Another bone of contention between us this time of year is the candy he buys.  'Way, 'way too much.   Two huge bags of Hershey products ($18).  You should have seen us fighting in the candy aisle at Smart & Final, Iris. 

He simply said, "Remember that one year?  Just in case..." and tossed another bag in the cart. 

Yes, I do remember "That One Year" vividly.  Just after dusk, the onslaught began.  I noticed a lot of headlights on our quiet street.   In disbelief I counted two little school buses, several vans and a couple of cars and all of these vehicles were packed with kids! 

They hit the street screaming, "TRICK OR TREAT" at peak volume and then they scattered, running willy-nilly at our houses; brown grocery bags thrust out to receive candy.  We could tell by the maniacal looks in their eyes, they meant business.

We and the neighbors held up well through the first four assaults but by the fifth we were panicking - we were running out of candy - what if they turned on us?  Granted they were all short and we are tall, but ... and we looked at each other in fear. 

Just as we were thinking about defense moves, a shrill whistle cut through our battle plans.  Like magic, the kids ran back to the parked vehicles, slammed the doors and the vehicles disappeared down the street, tail lights winking in a sardonic farewell.

Puzzled, we stood on our porches and wondered, "Why us?"  Shrugging collectively, we turned, walked into our houses and turned the candy bowls over and  shook them.  Not a grain of sugar was left.  Those vultures had cleaned us out. 

All of which h is a rather lengthy explanation for why I will be sitting in my comfortable arm chair, reading a good book while sipping an adult beverage and blowing the odd smoke ring.  I firmly believe that the Children's Raid all those years ago was a fluke and will never happen in nature again.

And we will have candy in the house until Valentine's Day, 2014.  Halloween is a great holiday -- if you don't have to do anything to celebrate it! 

Kit Kat bar anyone?