Friday, February 8, 2013

Running Off the Religious

Richie had gone to the gym, so with his car out of the way, I decided to do some laundry.  As I put the first load in, I noticed a woman at the top of our driveway, looking at a piece of paper in her hand.  Next thing you know, I heard high heels clacking up the walkway to our garage door.  So as not to startle whoever it was, I coughed and stuck my head out of the door.

It was a pair of short, fat ladies, dressed in their Sunday best, beaming and cooing.  The shorter one exlaimed with delight, "Isn't it a beauuutiful day?!"  Since it was overcast and grey, I didn't quite grasp the beauty of the day, but I smiled anyhow.

Sher burbled on, getting to the business at hand, We're here today about the plight of American families.  Did you know that the American family's strength is waning?"

I stared blankly at her.  "Er, my husband and I don't have any children."

Undeterred she charged ahead.  "Children are a gift from God (wagging an admonishing forefinger at me) but we have to raise them and instill the proper values -- (abruptly) Do you bellieve in God?

"I beg your pardon?" I said "What possible business is that of yours?"  She looked like she was going to start talking again, so I continued with some heat.  "Look here, I'm doing laundry, minding my own buiess and you two show up babbling about religion!"  I gesturing wildly by now.  "Please don't try to discuss religion with me!" 

I paused and then politely said, "I wish you a beautiful day, too" and turned back to my washing machine.

High heels clicked and clacked as they scurried away.  In retrospect I wondered what God thought of all of the make-up she was wearing.  She must have applied it with a trowel.  It covered her face from the hairline at her forehead, down past her clavicles.  Better she should spend the time learning how to do make-up than accosting strangers in their own homes about religion. 

I've always wanted to call these religious types out, the ones who roam the neighborhoods looking for converts but two things have previously restrained me.  I was taught good manners and moreover, I think these people gets points in Heaven (or something) every time someone is justifiably rude to them.  Today I finally did it!  I don't want to break my elbow patting myself on the back, but damn!  It was a proud moment for me.

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