A Bimbo Remembers

"Rearview Mirror, A Memoir" by Alana Stewart   Vanguard Press   272 pages   $25.99 

In case you've never heard of her, she was first married to George Hamilton (of the Perpetual Tan) with whom she had a son, Ashley.  Three years later, they divorced and after a whirlwind courtship, she married Rod Stewart with whom she had a son, Sean, and a daughter, Kimberlie.  She also cashed in on her friendship with Farrah Fawcett by writing an "I was there while Farrah was dying" tome.

Mother of the Year (in an alternative universe) writes, "When my marriage to George broke up, I went out a lot.  I was healthy and younger and with only one child at the time, I was, in a way, freer.  Then I could drink and have fun with my friends and hide from the pain."

During the various crises in her life (m0stly self-created) she consulted with fortune tellers, mystics, Tarot-card readers, therapists and Adult Children of Alcoholics.  Ex-husband George introduced her to his friend Deepak Chopra, who told her to meditate. 

Her and Stewart's youngest son set his t-shirt on fire while playing with matches whereupon his therapist parked him in an adolescent neuro ward for two weeks.  Her older son, with Hamilton, took to drug abuse.  During a family therapy session, she writes, "He shared a lot of his feelings with me -- the resentment and anger and pain he'd felt growing up.  He said he had often felt like an outsider in the family." 

But bravely, she sets her chin and tells us she'll just have to take that painful walk with them and help them through it.  All I could think was, "God help you, kids -- see if you can be made wards of the court!"