Oscar Opinions

Not that anyone actually asked me what I thought...

First the complimentary things -- another tour de force for Billy Crystal. I like his sly sense of humor.

Christopher Plummer gave a very graceful speech. Temperate, moderate, witty and sweet.

Category I - BAD HAIR -- either visible roots or needed to be washed:
Cameron Diaz
Gweneth Paltrow
Glenn Close and the wind-tunnel affect on her head
Brad Pitt always looks dirty - oily hair, facial stubble. Whether he is or not, he looks like a stoner.
Brian Glazer whose blow dryer did massive overtime to leave his hair standing straight up
The singer, Esther Somebody, who sang "Wonderful World" had the world's biggest afro - it looked like a tembleweed had somehow gotten on stage and onto her head.

DRUNK: I'm not saying she had been in the champagne, but Cameron Diaz was awfully bubbley.

DRUGGED: Meryl Streeps husband gave her a very dismissive look, as if he were bored tedious by her and there was also a hint of "I thought you weren't going to do that any more." She was rather going on...

Nick Nolte may have been straight, but let his face be a warning to the world - drinks/drugs will utterly ruin your looks.

And speaking of looks, Angelina Jolie looked absolutely bony. Very little muscle tone in her arms or the permanently-on-display right leg. And the camera ADDS 15 pounds.

HIDEOUS DRESS
Natalie Portman's lackluster prom gown...
Sandr Bullock's sloppy summer tee top...
Christian Bale - black suit, black shirt, black "regular" tie. We get it, Bale, you're annoyed at something.
Melissa Leo - K-Mart leopard top with sequins just in case you didn't notice the leopard thingy
Mila Ludovich - what was that clump of fabric, clinging so desperately to her right shoulder?
Meryl Street - a trooper to the end and beyond was apparently wearing an old gold lame theater curtain...