Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Our Social Climes editor is back at her desk, ready to report on the Vanguard's last meeting.

"Good afternoon. This venue was held in the 12th (and top floor) grand ballroom of the Double Tree Hotel, Torrance. Upon entry, the space unfolds into three shallow levels, each with tables of 10. Seating was assigned by table number and then place cards. One's place card was either yellow (chicken) or orange (salmon.)

"The menu began with bread rolls and butter, followed by salad, choice of ranch or raspberry dressing. Entrees were either chicken or salmon with a version of potatoes au gratin and steamed broccoli, squash and on some plates, a carrot round. Dessert followed with coffee and was a dense chocolate cake slice.

"On the way home, I asked Richie "What was that bird on the plate? A pullet? Miniature chicken? (Naturally I didn't touch mine -- a dark brown half with leg, wing and slice of breast with rosemary stuck hither and thither on it.) He replied, "Dunno - might have been pigeon (referring to the size) - it was okay." The master sleuth then added, "Didn't you eat yours?"

"A designated prize (your name was called out) and then a drawing for cash money. Not expecting to win anything (not a member) I repaired to the Ladies Room where, from my seat, I heard, "Neena Murphy! Neena Murphy!" (pause) "YOU don't look like a Neena!" as Richie collected my prize.

"As the grande finale, a man named Kimo came to the lecturn. He reminded those present that he had been a founding father 29 years ago, he listed some of the groups achievements. Participation as support staff for the LA Olympics, charitable work, long association with Toys for Tots, he told us The Last Joke. In previous meetings Kimo always told a bunch of old online jokes, all of whom I had heard before, some as many as within the last 10 years. His final joke:

A group of nuns went to a baseball game, in full regalia - gowns, wimples, starched hats. The guys behind them couldn't see the game and began deliberately talking loudly to be overheard.

First guy: I think we should go to Wyoming - I hear there's only 50 nuns there.
2nd Guy - No, North Dakota -- there's only 28.
3rd guy - "No, no -- Maine - there's only 14!

At which point the Mother Superior rose to her full height, turned and said, "Why don't you go to hell - there's NO nuns there."

Told you so ...

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