Saturday, December 15, 2018

Who ARE These People?

Hammacher Schlemmer has been peddling goodies to the rich for 170 years.  Proof,  if any needed, that P.T. Barnum was right.  Or: that a fool and his money are soon parted.    

I clearly made a big mistake when I ordered something recently for Richie for Christmas.  The minute the deal went down, I was (literally) bombarded with online offers to buy OTHER stuff from them.  No kidding.  All through every day since I placed the order, H-S has sent other offers to separate me and any cash I might have.  The following are from the Website, not the catalog that came in the mailbox.  Apparently my credit rating told them that they'd be wasting paper sending it to me.  Perhaps they decide these matters by zip code?  If so, I'd hate to live in Bel Air.  But then those people have servants to deal with unwanted solicitations.  Some of them are armed I've been told.    

On the other hand, you may be the perfect pigeon for such as:

A self-propelled aquanaut suit - $825,000.  

A 7 passenger tricycle - $20,000  Rig it out with a bar, sell tickets to peddle around imbibing and get your money back?  

An authentic New York hot dog cart - $,5,500 - Apparently you provide the dirty water to make it a truly authentic NY hot dog cart.  

A genuine Irish Telefon booth - $6,000.  I did read that the Celtic Tiger was in deep do-do, but if they sell all of the phone booths how's anyone going to find a job?

A dunk tank (liven up that cocktail party!) - $2,800

A hot tub boat - $75,000  It looks like a smallish flat boat that some deranged engineer rigged to carry a spa/jacuzzi, sized for six people.  

A golf cart hover craft - $58,000 - if you can't legitimately beat them, terrorize them by swooping down as they tee off.    

A London Black Cab - $40,000  For use in those countries that drive on the left only.  

A personal submarine that seats 6 (I think) ((too lazy to go look it up)) - $2 million.  

A life-sized Tyrannosaurus - $185,000 For the six year old that still loves dinosaurs.  

A very realistic race car simulator - $185,000  Better in a simulator than on the road … 

I would love to see the H-S customer  list of hot prospects to buy this nonsense among their customers .  I have girlfriends who are still single… 

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