When Your Mouth Writes the Check ...

As I age (don't sneer - you're aging, too, so hah!) I notice that there is a great deal more general sass issuing from my brain, right straight into a somersault off of my tongue.   Things I might have been nervous about saying in the past (any time under age 50) are now just popping out with some regularity.  And I don't care!  There is something about getting older (no fear any longer?  The worst thing that can now happen to you now is to die?) that encourages thought-to-mouth since the Manners app clearly has shut down.

I will give you examples from only the last three days. The mandatory word of warning is that you must have a sincere smile on your face on delivery.  Project that you're kidding.

Thursday:  Richie and I went to Charlie's, a New York Joint for dinner.  We eat there about every month and a half and have since Charlie opened.  We are well-known there (in a positive way!)

We pushed open the door, walked up to the desk where stood a young woman and a young man.  In a ragged chorus, they asked "Two for dinner?" and I said, "We're here to rob and pillage and (mouthed) really fuck you up."  Hoots of laughter!  They were howling like hyenas!   "You're funny" they squealed like shoats.

When we left, once again, they said, "You're funnneee!"  So I handed them my business card that touts "And the Best Blog Is: Word of Mouth" and said, "If you think I'm funny live ..." and handed each of them one.  Two sales.  I know it.

Update:  We had dinner at Charlie's last night and it was the same young man but a different woman.  He couldn't wait to tell her what I'd done last time around.  They laughed.

We ate our dinners - note: the new on the menu shrimp scampi appetizer is very good. Reminded Richie of escargot where the sauce begs to be wiped up with the bread.  And, yeah, shrimp scampi can hold you hostage till you reach for the bread ...

As I walked out, the two looked expectantly at me - "What would she do this time?"  I smiled sweetlyly and said, "You see how well-behaved I can be when I take my meds?" and sashayed out the door to their peals of laughter.  

Friday:  I had a 4 p.m. for an MRI brain scan.  (If I have one, will notify in future column)  The tech was setting it up and I asked her if there would be a view of the brain's exterior because I had read that the more wrinkled your brain cover (dura mater, I think) the smarter you are.  Naturally I want one.

She seemed puzzled, but said she'd keep an eye out.  When it was over, she came bustling out of the control tower and before I could ask, said, "What a lovely shiny brain you have!" and I yelled, "You bitch!" and we cracked up.

Saturday:  We and Dee were wriggling into the bench seating at Eat At Joe's.  In my traipse, my purse accidentally bonked a guy sitting at the table behind us on the back.  A glancing blow, to be sure, but  I apologized profusely and he said, "That'll be $20" so I hefted my purse up and said, "In that case, I want my money's worth" and his party fell about laughing.  "Great come back!" one of them yelled.

I look back at these three events and quietly think to myself, "Bad idea to encourage me - I'm old and we don't care what we say ..."

COMMENT:  I agree with your blog.  I find myself saying exactly what I think.  Texas Bluebonnet