Sunday, November 29, 2015

Would You Wish a Mother Like This On Your Own Worst Enemy?

"The Book of Joan" by Melissa Rivers   Crown Archtype   284 pages   $26

The title Joan is, of course, the late Joan Rivers.   I and my colleagues (Crazy Suzanne, Louise the Tease, Patty the Lawyer, Don the Lawyer, My Brother George and the Georgia Peach) all had a nodding acquaintance with her back in the day when she was trying out new routines at the Little Club (? - a small theatre) across Beverly Drive from our clubhouse Maison Gerard.  

We could only take short spells in the audience because the signature line she was using at the time irritated us greatly.  She would pipe in a voice so high-pitched that bats flew away in terror, using a heavy New Yawk accent, "Kin we tawk?" about every 3.5 seconds.  Wearing.

However she matured as most of the rest of us did and I became quite a fan.  Comes now a book about her from the insider of all time - her daughter.  Her dating advice to said daughter prompted my title.  

Never pick up the check.  You have the vagina, he has the wallet; he pays.

Let him open the door for you.  If he doesn't and leaves you standing in the street, get a cab and go home.  If he'll leave you in the street, he'll leave you for another woman.

Never carry condoms.  That's his responsibility.  You won't look like a Girl Scout but like a prostitute who's always at the Free Clinic.

A last tidbit of  tender motherly advice?  Pussy pulls the freight train.      

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