Sunday, February 23, 2014

Position Available: Ad Copywriter for Marijuana

Our Colorado correspondent, "Mad Mike of the Mountains," sent us some facts on the legal rules and a current price list.  He has not been able to personally visit these emporiums (allergies) but thoughtfully included the Marijuana Menu of an establishment there. 

The Rules:  You can legally have one ounce in your possession.  You can grow up to six plants.  You can buy one ounce a day (don't reach for your wallet yet.)  You can only smoke it in your home or backyard.  Airports have "amnesty boxes" for your personal disposal.  No names are taken, you just discreetly add to the collection.

The flyer for a store that gives no address or phone number divides the types of cannabis in three categories - Sativa, Hybrid and Indica.  A star next to the item indicates it is in-store the day you received the flyer.  Descriptions of the 39 types sold read like the wine list at a tasting dinner.

"Bubba Kush - 100 per cent indica.  Very calming and strong with body soothing effects, helps address insomnia."  Insomnia was absolutely not a problem for most of the people I used to know who smoked dope.  They all walked around half asleep  -- on a good day. 

The prices for one ounce of Sativa or Hybrid are $350/ounce or $45 for 1/8th of an ounce.  Indica is $400/ounce or $55 for 1/8th of an ounce.  A handwritten note across the top of the flyer reads "Pricing does NOT include tax of 32 per cent."  Trust me, you  won't be a dope addict for long.   

Durban Poison  100% sativa  Strong and energizing sensation with the well-known (?) Durban aftertaste.
Green Crack  100%  An amazing body buzz, great for anxiety relief
Island Sweet Skunk 100%  Great for depression, stress.  Makes you feel very energetic and euphoric.  (Ed. note: Might be a good idea NOT to drive after using it.)

Moby D  70/30 sativa dominant  Good for stress, lack of appetite, pain, depression and fatigue.  A euphoric, creative and focused high. (Ed note - Yeah, right!)

FU Cali  100% indica  Strong smell and equally strong high.  Works well for aches, pains and migraines.
Grape Ape  100% indica  Smooth and fruity taste with a euphoric high and strong body relaxation effects. 

Mad Mike reports that there are legal pot stores "all over."  Have decided that any trip to Colorado is fraught with peril - remember the old Country and Western ballad "Asleep at the Wheel"? 

No comments: