An Ancient Rule Was Right...Too Bad I Didn't Listen

The rule?  "Do as I say, not as I do."  I know better than to try to bake something.  I accept the fact that since I'm too impatient to fry bacon or fill an ice cube tray that baking is not for the likes of me.  In day-to-day cooking, I can be sloppy "Needs more pepper" or "Yeah, that looks like a half a cup of chopped onion."  Baking is demanding, up to and including using a knife blade (flat sided, not curved!) to measure exactly one teaspoon, etc.

I knew all of this yesterday afternoon when I set out to make Parmesan Tuiles (tiles.)  It's a simple recipe calling only for flour, butter and Parmesan.   How hard could that be?!   No baking soda, no yeast, both of which I avoid like a cat does water. 

Mistake #1 - at Trader Joe's I bought a wedge of Parmesan-Reggiano, not the already grated in a plastic container.  If I was going to do this properly, I would grate the cheese myself, thank you very much!  Besides I have a dandy little French grater that makes the job go very quickly.  Simply put a chunk  of cheese in the little basket and turn the handle.  Viola!

Except that I couldn't find this grater.  I dug around in the "Miscellaneous" drawer (corn on the cob handles, scissors, fried egg forms, and more, much more) and there it wasn't.  Then (and only then) did I remember that the little knob on the handle had broken off and I'd thrown the whole thing out.  Mistake #2 - bad memory.

So I got out the box grater.  I would still be using it 18 hours later if I used the smallest hole side of it.  So instead I got out the cheese knife for hard cheeses and cut strips, using the chef's knife to chop them up.

Finally I had the dough assembled, but it quite resisted being turned into a roll from which I could cut slices for baking.  It tended to crumble.  Undaunted, I got a cookie sheet and put down the parchment paper the recipe said to use.  As it was 80 degrees, I decided to use the toaster oven.

Mistake #3  I thought that the parchment paper might pose a fire hazard, but then reasoned that it is designed to be used in the oven, rests on hot metal and doesn't catch fire so it should be okay.  But:  remembering CERT training, I emptied the sink and got a pot holder should it turn out to be a bad idea.

Slices on the paper, cookie sheet in the little oven, I stood glaring through the glass window of the oven door.  The first 3 minutes, all was well.  For the second 3 minutes, you're to turn the pan around.  I did, it caught fire and I had to grab the potholder and fling the whole tray into the kitchen sink, (which is, happily, stainless steel) and run a torrent of water over it all.  But it takes more than a tiny kitchen fire to scare  me off.  I will do this again, but I will use Trader Joe's grated and I will use the regular oven.

And if that doesn't work, the hell with Parmesan Tuiles.  Someone, somewhere must sell them...