Wednesday, August 10, 2011

This Diet Works!

"Yeah, right," you say.

There are lot of problems with dieting successfully. First there is our natural tendency to spoil ourselves. Second is the unfortunate use of "to lose" None of us want to lose stuff! C'mon! None of us wants to be a loser; we're proud Americans!

The way to spin this "loss" stuff is: I'm going to get back all of my size 10 pants! I'll be able to get in and out of a lowslung chair/sports car easily and gracefully.

I have the perfect way to eat anything you want to eat and still lose weight. Yes, I know that you have heard this before and realize that you may be cringing in shame that I have suddenly turned huckster on you. Fear not, Gentle Readers.

Let me step up to the blackboard and write down the magic word: C H O P S T I C K S. I guarantee that if you eat every single meal with chopsticks, you will feel full faster and quit eating earlier. And, obviously, since you aren't taking in all of the calories, you'll lose weight -- slowly and surely, the way it is supposed to be done.

You're issued an Asian porcelian spoon, a steak knife and a pair of chopsticks for this regime. Soup and wet cereal are the only items you are allowed to eat with the spoon. No scooping off the whipped cream on the cheesecake with this spoon! The steak knife is obvious - to cut your meat into viable pieces for your chopsticks to grasp.

If you are adept with chopsticks, then eat at The Elephant Bar (numerous locations) because every dish they make has the amount of calories in it printed next to the price. It's a deterent. Normally I would have had the cocunut shrimp skewers (800 calories) and the shrimp rice-paper egg rolls (400 calories) but not for a total of 1,200 calories! Instead I ordered the wok-grilled shrimp in garlic noodles for 850 calories and I only ate one-fourth of it, or approximately 210 calories.

One hour later, I was hungry again so I ate three caramel-cashew cookies at 140 calories each. So do as I say, not as I do comes to mind...

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