Saturday, February 23, 2019

The Overcrowded Urn

The recent thoroughly-covered (and then some) death of French designer (but you knew that; how could you not in the past couple of days) of Karl Lagerfeld, 85, of pancreatic cancer has left me with conflicting information.  At first, I read that he would be cremated and his ashes joined with his previous love interest.  In the fullness of time, Choupette the cat would join them.  All well and good.

And then I read that his mother and lover's ashes have already been mingled and that Karl and the cat would be joining them!  And I started thinking, "That's going to have to be a mighty big urn …"

Other disquieting news filtered in.  Both mother and lover's ashes had been dispersed in the garden of the Crematorium du Mont Valerien where the cremations took place.

And the media ran shots of his fashion friends "at the funeral in the crematorium" despite his frequent admonitions that he did not want a funeral as such.  Apparently his feelings were not considered as these noteworthies would tell him "Au voir" whether he liked it or not!  Consequently there was a shot of the plain black coffin being carried up a shallow flight of stairs to a room specifically set aside for remembering the deceased.  Choice of videos - three featuring the countryside, the mountains or the sea.   Ditto music.

So typically French … the prices (and my estimated cost accounting.)

 (The French use a comma rather than a decimal point but it's confusing so am going with what you see.)

Adult - 528.12  (includes one barrel of fuel; small blowtorch rental and fuel for it.)
Infant - age 1 to 12 years - 264.04 Euros  (check for braces to avoid shrapnel.)
Baby less than one year old - 132.01 Euros.  (one pint fuel; one book of matches

To rent the Goodbye Room - 132.01
To rent urn space for a year, 155.97
For dispersal in their designated garden, 49.72 Euros

For those of you that enjoy math, today's conversion rate is:  $1.13 buys one Euro.   Since we're used to seeing U S dollars, the above all looks tremendously cheap.  Hollow laugh.  The Euro is a deceptive booger.  When you get home and your credit card bills appear?  You may get a shock that will kill you!  Better to die in America.  I believe the Neptune Society is something like - or used to be - $900 good old American dollars.


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