Friday, March 4, 2016

I WILL Go To Paris - Dead or Alive

We have been trying to get there since June of last year.  Two?  Three? times we've had to cancel; I can't even remember any more. 

But this time we are going even if one of us is dead (more airplane food for the living.)

This is what I'm considering.  The dead one is dressed in street clothes, with a bulky winter coat, put in the transporter wheelchair with a baseball hat pulled down over the face (to hide closed, dead eyes) and when the survivor hands over the passports, his/her line is, "Please, he/she's finally sleeping!  I thought the sleeping pill would never take affect!  Please don't wake him/her up!"  (And good luck with waking a dead person anyhow." )

The survivor will brush aside a flight attendant's offers of assistance - "Oh, no, thank you but if he/she wakes  up with a strange face staring down at him/her, she/he will freak out.  This illness has caused ... some unfortunate dependency issues ..." which should take care of that. 

To guarantee first off of the plane at CDG, the survivor will ask for help - "OMG!  I thought he/she was just sleeping!" as the plane begins its descent into CDG.    

At that point, the dead one can be transported straight from the Triple 7 to the crematory; the survivor can go on to enjoy their vacation and the airline can sell the now empty seat to someone else for the return flight home.  Don't hope for a refund on the ticket.  The French are too frugal for that kind of nicety. 

 The loser's box of ashes will just have to fly via US Postal Service.  But it's not like they'd want any champagne...Being dead and all ...


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