Friday, January 11, 2013

Trader Joe! How Could You?

I never thought I would be writing these words about my beloved Trader Joe.  He whom I considered eligible to be my next husband, to whom I was loyal and whom I praised to the skies to anyone who listen to me.

This is what happened, this foul betrayal, this sin against eaters everywhere there is a Trade Joe's location.  It is vile; I warn you.

Recently, Himself and I were scanning the frozen food counters and when we happened on "Lobster & Shrimp Cakes" I quickly put a container in our cart.  "What heaven," I thought "Two of my favorites in one.  Wonder why no one seems to have thought of this before now?"   Thence to our freezer at home.  I was considering cooking them for dinner night before last and read all the print on the box for the cooking instructions.  

During this, I came across the list of ingredients and I will quote:  Lobster, shrimp, TROUT.  I thought my eyes were deceiving me so I read it again and it still said the same thing:  lobster, shrimp, trout.

TROUT?  Who the hell would put in trout?  A monster of depraved indifference would be my best guess...

But listen to the box copy:  "A unique item for Trader Joe's, made with naturally-sweet lobster and shrimp from cold North Atlantic waters.  These delightful cakes are seasoned with ..."  I didn't read anything about trout - did you?  No, you did not.  Because there wasn't anything, that's why! 

Naturally I refused to touch them so Richie followed directions, cooked them and reported that the cakes were "rubbery."  "Probably the trout," I said smugly.  "I guess we won't be buying them again!" 

Richie said scornfully, "I wouldn't even steal 'em."  I can assure you that for a New Yorker, that remark was the Cut Direct. 

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