The Boot Whisperer

I got an e the other day from my cousin -- let's call her GeeGee -- down in Austin saying that she and her adult daughter -- LeeLee -- were off to see the Boot Whisperer in Wimberley, TX.

It seems that LeeLee has been searching for a new pair of cowboy boots for the longest time and then someone told her about the Boot Whisperer. GeeGee said that this woman's gift is that she can look at you and bring out the perfect pair of boots for you from a stock of more than 500 "gently used" or new boots.

Say, what? I do know that one can often determine a woman's dress style just by looking at her (old lady, slut, tailored) from my brief days working at an "exclusive" dress shop where there was very little stock on display; we had to size up the customer, go in the back (racks and racks) and pick out something for "Madame."

Onward to Google! The Boot Whisperer is a woman named Ulli Johnstone, who works at Koolboots, 101 D Wimberley Square, Wimberley, tX. 512-847-6850 if you want to see how well she can do it over the phone.

It turns out that her basic gift is to stare at your bare foot and determine what size boot you would take! She says she's right eight out of 10 times. (If it involves having to look at someone else's naked feet ... color me gone.)

The next day I received word from cousin GeeGee that LeeLee didn't like the brown boots she brought out; she wanted black so they looked around a little and left.

Still, the germ of an idea was born ... I could become the Flip Flop Guru! Get a long black skirt, wear tons of beads and rings -- perhaps a turban, no? I would tell fat women, "Ah, you have the soul of a gypsy! Wild and free! Here, put these on." I would purr to the skinny, jumpy ladies, "Ah, you exude an aura of calm control..."

Assuming I could get a $50 fee for advising on a pair of $5 (or less) thong sandals, this might be a very good thing indeed... You think I should cut the Boot Whisperer in if it works? Nah, I don't either.