Monday, July 5, 2010

The Blues Can Save Your Life

"The blues" is the distinct knowledge that all is not well in your world and you know who/what is causing them. But - there's nothing you can do about the who/what. And that makes you feel defeated and ... blue.

There are, however, varying depths to the blues. Bob Brodsky's book "The World In a Jug" addresses this subject. He got a tremendously funny Do & Don't List off the Internet and with apologies to and kudos for the unknown writer...

Expressing the blues ... It is not generally considered smart to start a blues refrain with anything positive, such as "I got a good woman" ... you need to add a detriment, such as "with the meanest face in town." Then embroider this theme -- "got teeth like Margarate Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

Good places for the blues: a lonesome highway; a jailhouse; an empty bed; bottom of a glass of whiskey.

Unacceptable places for the blues: Nordstrom's, wine tastings, Ivy League colleges, golf courses (although many would disagree with that last.)

The right to sing the blues is given to: people who are older than dirt; the blind; if you shot a man in Memphis or you cain't be satisfied.

But not if: you have all of your own teeth; you were once blind, but now you can see; the man in Memphis lived or you have a trust fund. Persons named Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Bambi or Heather can't sing the blues no matter how many men they shot in Memphis.

The blues remind us all that "You think you got it bad? Well, huh!" For that reason, nothing cheers me up like hearing a blues singer goin' at it. In fact, my doctors have been told that if I'm ever in a "persistent vegatative state," to play some blues. If I don't get up and dance, pull the plug.

And if Microsoft Windows doesn't take take the extremely annoying pop-up Indexed Locations Search. exe has stopped working signs, I am going to go to Memphis and shoot me someone.

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