A Dispatch from Loony Land

Denizens of Southern California have, over the years, become almost used to very strange behavior. Michael Jackson had extensive plastic surgery to make himself look like Diana Ross? Didn't affect us one way or the other -- until the molestation charges surfaced.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to make a run for governor of our (formerly) great state, many of us may have thought "Delusions of adequacy based on his wife's family." Now, sadly, we know...

But today, we are faced with the biggest loony we've so far encountered. That is Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 8th husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor (his 7th bride) and pretender to the German nobility. "Bought the title" is maliciously (and truly) whispered.

He's featured in today's papers. He announced his decision to run for governor of California. He is quoted as saying that he "wants to make life good again." Clearly it wasn't too good for him when he failed in his bid to convince the public that 1. he'd been Anna Nicole Smith's secret lover for some 10 years and that 2. he was the probable father of her daughter, Dannielynn.

Undeterred by the massive lack of interest this pronouncement met, he took a fall back position and declared that he'd been mugged by three women who attacked him in his Rolls Royce Phantom and robbed him of his money, keys and all of his clothing. Despite being naked and handcuffed, he managed to call 911 on a cell phone. Interestingly enough, neither cell phone nor handcuffs were ever found by police.

In 2009, he made another bid for headlines saying that Gabor had lost $10 million by investing with Bernie Madoff through a third party; his adopted son, a German brothel owner! This adopted son is one of perhaps six whom Anhalt claims paid him $1 million each to bear the title "Prince von Anhalt."

Anhalt was himself adopted (age 37) by the "original Princess von Anhalt," who was 76 at the time. Gabor is 93, Anhalt is 64 or 65, records are murky. Of their marriage, he has said that it was a business deal, but that friendship turned to love. Gabor is believed to have been in a more or less persistent vegetative state since perhaps 2002.

He is running as an Independent. His platform includes imposing taxes on alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and prostitution. "I don't believe in same-sex marriage, but on the other hand, the constitution says equal rights for every American." (AP)

Read his wikipedia.com entry -- he is truly deranged, but unlike Jackson or Ah-nold, there is no money behind him. Nothing but full moon, barking mad craziness...