The Following Is Totally Made Up of Whole Cloth.

I was idly wondering this morning what mothers talk about at their yearly reward brunch from grateful (or not so) husbands and children.

As it is her day to be the star the conversation that I thought I heard (obviously hallucinating again even through Doctor said it wasn't serious and to just kick back and enjoy whatever my imagination comes up with.)  about the sequence of events.  Bring it on Mom!

"Oh, my little dear - it was such a romantic place when we conceived you … the white sand seemed to glitter softly in the moonlight as we shed our clothes and inhibitions at the Caribbean island where we were honeymooning. The policeman was really very nice and just let us off with a gentle warning.
In gratitude we told him that if anything developed (heh heh) we would name the baby after him.  That's right, Generalissimo!  Yes, son, Jenny works a lot better for daily usage.  By the way, be careful with promises you'll regret down the road...

It was, the doctor said, a normal pregnancy and that a lot of mothers- to-be vomit the entire nine months!  You're not so special, he added.

But O my God, I really thought 48 hours of labor would kill us both, but it didn't!  And for what?  A 13 lb. ghostly white … thing! covered in meconium.  It took three hosing's with a high-pressure hose to get rid of that stuff!

But time passed and before I knew it you were ready for the immunization shots.  There was none of this anti-vaxxers stuff back in those days!  No sirree, Bob.  The only mandatory thing about it was the traditional shot of you bawling your head off!  Over the years that came, a quick glance at that picture soothed my soul in a variety of ways … I had it in my purse the night you got busted for joy riding in the neighbor's Ferrari - we never thought you'd do anything like that; we hadn't taught you how to drive a shift yet.  I guess you showed us!  O what a little kidder you were!

But all in all, I'm glad we had you.  Especially as you have the money for our tab here at the Solid Gold Restaurant and Bar.  What?  You left your billfold at home?  Give the tab to me; some things never change. (sigh)

O waiter, as long s I'm paying, I'll have another flute of champagne, please.