Richie's Big Adventure

He just left for the Chevron refinery, El Segundo, to hook up with Emma and Dale (both Thurs. Writers.) The three of them will board a posh tour bus and be driven all over the refinery while a Chevron employee tells them what they're seeing.

I have no idea what propels Dale (aerospace engineer) or Emma (retired grade school teacher) into the bowels of a refinery, but I certainly know why Richie's there. It's a free tour.

Richie loves "free" or even "nearly free." I think we all remember the recent Nathan's Coney Island hot dog caper? Billed as "Buy one at regular price, receive the second one for a nickel!"? And in his vast excitement, we arrived one full week ahead of time for this gala?

This is Chevron's third offering to a (supposedly) admiring public. I know this because Richie invited me to go the first one which I did and he dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the second. As it happens I hav a lot of uncles and cousins in South Texas and Oklahoma who were/are in the "awl bidness" thus a refinery is not all that exciting to me.

Chevron has very strict security, you must call them well ahead of time for the tour and make a reservation, including the full names of all in your party. Upon arrival, you must show Security a photo ID before your name is ticked off of his clipboard and you are allowed onto the bus which is, incidentally, quite fancy -- reclining seats, foot rests, big TV screen over the driver's head.

There are a couple of spots on the road that are quite exciting. This is becaue the road would only be considered two lanes if you were on a motorcycle. It is narrow; the bus is immense (comparatively) and there are a couple of very tight corners. I remember the driver having to back up once just to make a turn. Not quite a Disneyland E ticket ride, but when the back of the bus extends out, off of a cliff face, you tend to pay a certain amount of attention.

After about half an hour of winding around the refinery -- "We have our own fire department" -- "Employees use the bicycles in that parking lot to get around quickly" -- "We're proud of the fact that we have gone 3,452 hours with no accidents -- safety first!" -- you are deposited gently back at the offices where you started out.

I'm just as happy to be on my own at home. It looks like it's going to rain; all of the refinery buildings, fittings, pipes are varying shades of gray ... they can have it and joy to them!