Wednesday, November 5, 2008


As the smoke from a family barbecue in Kenya drifted skyward, in a different place and time, another event was taking place. A Parallel Universe (wholly-owned subsidiary of Murf Ink) also had an election and by a unanimous vote, I was elected as "Son Altesse" (Supreme Ruler.)

After gracefully accepting my subjects' cheers and applause, I immediately settled down to work. My first task is to obliterate racism in all of its guises. It is just as racist to applaud blacks for getting out to vote for a black candidate as it is to publicly yell, "I ain't votin' for no nigger!"

It is racist for our media to identify people as "African-American" or "Mexican-American" or "Whatever-American." Until there is no distinction made among Americans, racism will exist. This identification is unnecessary and it's demeaning in the extreme.

Steve Lopez, long-time LA Times columnist, this morning lauds the Tolliver family for having turned out "Bernard, 30, an insurance agent. Aaron, 27, about to enter the LA Police Academy; Alexandra, 25, just graduated from the university of the Arts, Philadelphia, with a major in dance." Why was this family singled out?

Mr. Tolliver owns a barber shop in South Central LA, traditionally a black neighborhood. The condescension I see displayed here is absolutely unforgiveable. The inference that "This poor black family has done so well" is insulting to the family and more so to the speaker. Very few of us of any color simply sailed through a higher education without some hardships.

Lopez went on to write "For more than seven years, he (Tolliver) and the customers at his Florence Avenue barbershop have treated me to one of the best, longest-running shows in Los Angeles." I.e. "at the minstrel show?" in other words. Blacks let themselves down by letting this guy hang around.

It should be said, too, that much of the racism blacks feel is generated by their acceptance of such as Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters -- professional racists all -- and as such should come with that label attached to them at all times.

I'm working to convince my people here in A Parallel Universe that: we ARE different in our thinking, our habits and our beliefs - a good and absolutely necessary thing -- but the color of our skin (or wrapping paper, if you prefer) doesn't matter at all.

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