Do You Struggle With "Dad jokes"?

Half of the time I either don't get them or don't think they're funny.  Which is, apparently , their job in life.  Here is a sample that popped up in this morning's boredpanda.com 

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous - I see a few new faces this week.

If you believe your microwave is spying on you; your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

What do you call a short woman?  A minimum.  Large?   Maximum.

I wondered what my parents did before there was the internet - none of my 15 brothers and sisters knew either.

The waitress asked the diner, "How did you find your steak?"  "It was right next to the potato." 

"I like it when the Earth rotates.  It really makes my day."

I asked a lot of people "What is LGBTQ? and none of them could give me a straight answer"

Quit cher crabbing

This is always a treat when Richie makes crab cakes.  His are better than those of a number of restaurant versions.  They are too good not to share the recipe.  

Premium crab is available at Smart and Final in a large black can.  Phillips Premium Crab.  Mix all of the  the following except for the crab

CRAB CAKES

1 lb. crab

1 egg

2 T Worcestershire sauce

1/4 teas. dry mustard

2T mayo 

1T lemon juice 

1 T mustard 

1T melted butter

1T Parsley flakes

1 T Old Bay seasoning.

1/2 cup bread crumbs

Combine all the ingredients except the crab then fold it in the and shape it into cakes.  Pan fry or bake in the oven at 375 deg. for 12-15 minutes until evenly brown and an internal of 165 degrees  

                                              BON APPETITE!

A Blonde has triplets

 As stated above - a blonde gives birth to triplets.  Some do-gooder female approaches the mother and asks, "What's the hardest thing about triplets?" 

The blonde glances upward and says, "Being pregnant for 27 months."

Medical Laughs

I recently had another ambulance ride - last Wednesday to be exact, the day we were promised lobster tacos and there they weren't, but what followed never happened before.   I had an appt. with a new neurologist, a woman - my old one had retired.  The appt. went uneventfully as far as they go and since I didn't mention her name I can say that she was zero help.  Walking to the elevators I had a sudden TIA attack.  Happily there was a bench right by the elevator and I sat down while Richie went back to the office to get her.  

She sent the nurse instead ,out to get me and seat me  in the exam office I'd just left.  Studying me, she said, "I'm going to call 911.  I was appalled.  What the hell!  Since her offices are right across the street from the ER for Little Co. of Mary before I knew it, here were 6 or 8, paramedics crowding her office.  All of the medical people concurred  and they strapped me onto the gurney and away we went.  

It was as rough a ride as I've ever had in an ambulance.  Evidence has never appeared to prove ambulances have any springs at all. The turns were rocky in the extreme and I asked the para nearest me, "Do these things ever tump over?"  He replied, "It's his first time driving." and I said, quietly, "It shows." and they howled like a pack of coyotes including the driver.  

The ER where they had put me in a cubicle was reasonably entertaining due to one man who periodically shouted and wailed.  He was located in the short hallway from outdoors to ER  He happened to have an outbreak when my Asian nurse heard him say, "Daddy why did you do it?" and she nodded wisely and said, "Ah yes, Daddy." 

Staff was trying to get me a bed and were having poor luck.  I spent the night in ER and was quite comfortable.  Both of our hospitals - Little Co. of Mary and Torrance Memorial were full.  I'd never seen that either.  Nor heard the vocally insistent man.  Next morning they released me into the wild and I went home, overjoyed to be there.

We Just Missed the Bank Robbery

This from my cousin Indiana Doug dateline 9/24/21.  When I printed it out to blog it many of the  the end of the sentences weren't there.  Doug very kindly gave me permission to edit around the situation.  Just so you know.

"Yesterday afternoon, wife Melanie and I were supposed to be at the bank branch at 4:30 p.m. to sign some paperwork.  Melanie was a little late from work about 4:18 p.m.  Melanie then said she had to potty herself (Cousin Doug uses Bathroom yourself) Needless to say we weren't going to be there at 4:30 so I texted the bank manager that. On the way when we were able to go we saw several police cars running with lights and sirens in several directions.

When we arrived at the bank there were two police cars parked in the front lot to protect the neighborhood behind the bank.  

As I pulled into the drive we learned that bank had been robbed at gunpoint and apparently a shot was fired we later heard.

We drove around to the back of the building and I called the branch manager  to see if everything was all right. She was clearly distressed, saying that the robbery had occurred just a couple of minutes ago.  Everyone was very scared.  But she said she'd make an arrangement for our business next week.

I called my brother (a bank VP) to tell him to contact the branch manager and counsel her and her staff.  There were several customers in the bank and several in the drive through. We, too, would have been in there if Melanie hadn't needed to potty.  She later told me that the advantages of potty-ing were obvious.

Update  The robber was caught within 24 hours"

The Take 

$33,000  taken but only $700 as recovered of last night.

Do You Have a Cool Church?

Here are some examples (Thank you boredpanda.com)

Don't give up Moses was once a basket case

Jesus is coming, look busy

God ha no favorites but our sign guy does - Go Cubs!

Noah was a brave man to sail in a wooden boat - with two termites

We are still open between Easter and Christmas

(Catholic)  Lent is coming get your ash in church

Now is a good time to visit, our Pastor is on vacation 

Lobster Mania

Charlie and Rosalind's oldest son went from clamming to lobstering and boy did we benefit from this.   C and R invited us for dinner and all four of us were delighted.  Rosalind is a dab hand in the kitchen.  Her baked clams are of legend.  "Bring it on we gleefully shouted.  

While happily waiting for dinner, we loitered on their breezeway, a concrete space between the house and garage with comfortable padded chairs where there was a breeze!  Indian Summer can be hot and today had been.  We sipped our wines or beer and enthusiastically traded family gossip.  You've undoubtedly done the same at your family gatherings.  

Time flew by and before we knew it Rosalind was standing at the kitchen door calling us into dinner.  When we were seated, she put out a b i g platter of cooked whole lobsters.  She casually remarked that Sean had collected lobster traps today and here was some of the bounty.

Happily we began dissecting our lobs (East Coast reference term.) The room uncharacteristic with us fell silent save for a faint crackling sound of set-upon shells.  

Doug was vociferous through this anyhow - silence was wasted on him.  Rosalind, seeing his plate with only shells on it, promptly whisked the platter back and had refilled it.  Doug remarked that he didn't want to be a hog, but, damn! they were good.

Rosalind said, "Sean gave us 16 of them, for dinner tonight, so eat up!" Immediate praise rained down on him and Doug offered cash for his trouble which Sean refused.  

We were flying home the next day which this dinner  celebrated from several points of view.  Most certainly Sean's. 

As for Doug, it was the first story out of his mouth every time he recited what he'd seen and done.  "Can you imagine?  Sixteen!  Lobsters!"