Los Angeles March 4, 2018
Tonight will be the 90th celebration of the annual Broken Elbow Fest wherein Academy Award winners vie to pat themselves on the back which in many cases results in a broken elbow.
We caught up with LA County Fire Department paramedic, Jay Simpson and asked what preparations were being made. He grinned and said, "We're well stocked with slings, gassed up and ready to go. We did have to take all of the opioids off the bus - it's uncanny how these Hollywood types (faint head shake) can smell out an OxyContin, Percocet, Vicodin from 50 ft. away. Never seen anything like it even at a methadone clinic."
Award recipients are expected to spend their allocated winner's speech time railing against President Trump, extolling #Me Too and whatever the most recent hash tag promotes. The "herder" who watches for actors over-extending their allotted time said he expects a busy evening "For once," he sighed. Shaking his head in dismay, he added, "Used to be it was sweet stuff like 'Hi, Mom' or the 'thanks yous' ran long, but not any more. I'll be earning my paycheck tonight," he smiled. Holding up a finger to delay us, he added, "Just like I do in Presidential election years. Boy am I glad that only comes around every four years!"
Meanwhile reliable reports (from hair dresses, make-up artists, yogi teachers) are reporting that likely-to-win actors are working out full time on their arm muscles. #No Broken Elbows!
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