Monday, December 19, 2011


Gutting Michael Jackson
I read today that an auction of his household goods from the rental he died in took place the other day. The Jackson family had put the headboard of the Death Bed up for sale! Apparently, the ensuing hue and cry made them take it off of the market. But! Instead they sold the rug underneath the Bed O' Death for $15,360!

Target Is Trying to Strangle Me
About a month ago, I bought a 5-button, cotton, stretchy top there. I knew from previous purchases (and returns) to buy it in a size XL because apparently the style today is to wear tops so tight that they pop your breasts out of your back. Got home, slipped it on and -- too tight! Even in an XL! So I shipped it off as a Christmas present to a relative. She loves tight so she should be a very happy camper.

Then just the other day, we happened to be in Target and a pair of hoodie sweats caught my eye. The track suit I sleep in is some kind of semi-nylon which is not all that warming in our un-insulated house (except for under the roof.) So I bought a pair in "Medium" which has been my size for the past 15 years. All excited about sleeping in cozy warmth, I donned them and went to bed , wriggling to get various folds of cloth out of my anatomy. Why?

They were very tight - couldn't pull the hips up to where they would have been normally; could barely zip the jacket across my chest. Now the top part is okay because when a woman is flat on her back, her tits are generally over by her armpits. But: when you are vertical and have to unzip it, that's tight!

You're laughing and thinking, "Stupid cow! She's gained weight! That's all this is." Er, no, I haven't. All of my old clothes fit just fine and they are 10s which is a "Medium" in anyone's book, just not Target's. Next time we swoop through a Tar-Jay, I'll buy another pair - size "Large."

A Thoughtful Gift
I read that instead of bringing (yet another) bottle of wine to a party, bring breakfast for the host/hostess instead! Bagels, cream cheese and lox in a cute basket... maybe croissants, a packet of exotic coffee and Irish butter and a small pot of jam... pancake mix, "real" maple syrup ... there are a lot of possibilities.

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