Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Attention Junkie

I'm referring to Prinz Frederick Von Anhalt, married to Zsa Zsa Gabor. This is Gabor's longest-running marriage, quite possibly so because she has been said to be in a comatose state since 2002. It could be argued that if you don't know you're married, are you? I willl leave that to abler scholars than myself.

Prinz (considered a name, not a title in Germany from whence he sprang) told us that Zsa Zsa broke her hip in a fall that occurred while she was watching "Jeopardy" and got up to answer the phone. This seems unlikely - comatose state + "Jeopardy" ? "to answer the phone" - surely there are Persons around the house that do that sort of thing?

He has issued breathless bulletins from her bedside - "She's getting better! She asked for the Last Rites! She's home! She was taken "by private ambulance" back to the hospital!" This made me wonder if the poor old thing was still alive. Can you use a "private ambulance" to transport a corpse to a hospital so that it can be pronounced there?

And now, this morning, comes the latest. Prinze wants to have Zsa Zsa's body plastinated post death. Plastination is a process by which a body is deprived of water and fats in the tissues which are replaced with polymers. All or parts of the deceased go through these four steps: fixation, dehydration, forced impregnation in a vacuum and, finally, hardening. (And that's enough for us all to know.)

Prinz stated that his wife has always wanted her beauty immortalized. (Dude, she's 93!) Perhaps a flattering oil portrait might be a better idea? For sure, it would take less room.

But Prinz lives to be in the limelight. Previous gags (as I think of them) include announcing on February 16, 2010, his run for Governor of California (I seem to remember he wanted to legalize drugs and prostitution, old fun-lover that he is) to the withdrawal announcement on August 2nd due to his wife's ill health.

As it happens, I have a source in the household who told me that in regularly scheduled meetings, Prinz and his public relations counsel meet to swill champagne, smoke dope and invent stories.

Some that were discarded: Prinz was in the car with Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed when he got an urgent phone call, left the car and the inebriated chauffeur impatiently drove off without him.

Former President Bill Clinton called him on the eve of daughter Chelsea's wedding to beg him to walk her down the aisle, saying, "Ah'm jes afraid Ah'll bawl mah fool head off..."

He regularly accompanies Russia's Putin on his dubious adventures (shooting things) and advised Putin to lose the shirt and go bare-chested "for your image."

So much to do, so little time to waste .. but never too much trouble if it gets Prinz in the media...

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