Richie's Happy Weekend

I woke up at 3 a.m. coughing, with raspy breathing and … laryngitis.  Richie loves it when every 15 or 20 years I have a short-lived case of it.

Let him enjoy his weekend, planted like a tulip bulb in front of the TV, watching one baseball game after another.  (shrug)  It's just grown men giggling like school girls on ESPN anyhow.  They get paid big bucks for that?  Oy.

War Cake - How Appropriate!

That Heloise is flat on it!  and that is the dessert called "War Cake."  One of her readers wrote in asking her to run the recipe again; her husband wanted one for his birthday. 

But him aside, since the Republicans and Democrats seem to BE at war, here is the recipe.   If you make one, please use it for love and not war.  "A peace offering" comes to mind …

WAR CAKE (which war was not specified)
Using a medium-to-large cooking pot/pan, mix together:
2 cups of brown sugar
2 cups hot water
2 teas. shortening - or butter
Add 1/2 to 3/4 cups raisins
1 teas. each of salt, cinnamon and cloves.
Boil for five minutes longer after it comes to a boil.  

When this is cold - and it must be cold - add 3 cups of flour and 1 teas. baking powder that was dissolved in a couple teaspoons of hot water.  Mix well.  (And good luck on that - it's going to be a very stiff batter - don't bother with the gym that day)
Pour into a greased tube and bake for about an hour at 350 - 375 degrees.  

Bon appetite and peace, brother!

Surfeited With Sex in the Media? Me, Too!

And not the #Me Too kind either.  A good laugh would benefit all of us because laughter is the best medicine and quite possibly an antidote to wallowing around in the cess pool Washington, DC and both political parties have created.

Yesterday afternoon, laughs were delivered to our front door in the guise of the Reader's Digest which I have long loved FOR the jokes.  With no further ado, some gentle humor.

Adam and Eve:  the first people not to read the Apple Terms and Conditions.

Breaking News! Scientists have discovered what may be the world's largest bed sheet - more on that as it unfolds.

Just got a job as senior director at Old McDonald's Farm - I'm the CIEIO.

If you attempt to rob a bank, you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether you're successful or not.

A trucker in Europe carrying 12 tons of liquid chocolate spilled his load across a highway.  A newspaper asked its readers if a confectioner were to scrape it up and sell it, what brand name should it have?

*  Mr. Goodtar
*  Literally 5th Avenue
*  3 Musketires
*  Gutterfinger
*  Pave-mint
*  Tobleroad
*  Autobahn-Bahns.

And last and sadly least because you never hear any limericks anymore -

There was once a lady named Ferris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass
Till the bath salts one day
In the tub where she lay
Turned out to be Plaster of Paris

A magazine writer named Bing
Could make copy from most anything
But the copy he wrote
Of a $10 note
Was so good he now lives in
Sing Sing

So You Want To Write a Movie...

Got a great story?  With twists on Life As It Is Lived Today?  Love (fill in genre here) and think you can easily write something better?

Professional screenwriter Guy K., a member of the South Bay Writers Workshop offers these very knowledgeable tips:  

One page (of script) equals one minute of screen time.  

You're going to want 90 to 120 pages for a dramatic movie.

With 80 or 90 pages that's a possible comedy or comedy/drama

And 20 to 30 pages for a sitcom.  

But 45 to 80 pages is sufficient for a pilot for a series.  

A walk-away deal wherein you sell the script and walk away - no interest in the director, producer, stars, just "Show me the money!" for $100,000 +. Or you can try for $25,000  to rewrite it.  

Guy stressed that movies are a visual effort - the actors faces and expressions "talk" for them.  He suggests writing three pages of script with no dialogue whatsoever to demonstrate that you're getting it.  

Give writing a movie some thought - tons of others have done it; why not you?  

The End of Civilization As We Know It?

A detail the MSM forgot to cover -

Joanna Strober is hosting and promoting a GoFundMe for Christine Ford.  The money is earmarked to go ONLY to the Ford family and today totals $154,526,.

Heidi Feldman is hosting and promoting a GoFundMe for Christine Ford.  So far, $209,987 in four days by 6,658 people rests in the coffers.  Feldman claims that any "leftover funds" will go to  women's organizations or a slush fund for similar situations.  The fund is now closed according to GoFundMe.com

Take the money and run!  And I don't doubt for a moment that they will.

COMMENTS
I told friends and family that this was a great opportunity for us and how could we run with it...

Cousin Doug - I think I was fondled as an infant by the doctor who performed my circumcision.  Will that work?
   reply  Doug, that doctor is long dead now.  Pick a more recent surgery ...

Nephew Steve - Oprah once assaulted me in Galena, IL (she has a house here)  I'm not sure where or when it happened but it did happen.  Fire up GoFundMe for my poor soul.  And how dare anyone question ...
    reply - Steve if you were assaulted by Oprah - who I might mention is bigger than you - you wouldn't forget a single detail until you're 100 years old.  What about someone else in show biz - Elton John?

News of the Neighborhood or Another Way To Waste Time

The other day's mail brought us an envelope that contained this flyer:

"Hi (Street name) Neighbors!
Our neighborhood is now using a free private online network called Nextdoor Golden Triangle and you should join us.  On this website we share service provider recommendations, items for sale/free, lost pet notifications, safety updates, local events and much more.  it's 100 per cent free and private - just for our neighbors.

Please go to www.nextdoor.com/join

P.S. There are already 13,976 posts on Nextdoor Golden Triangle including posts about Crime and Safety issues in the neighborhood."

"Golden Triangle" is a loathsome appellation given to our particular area (quiet, several good schools, lots of parkettes) and was created by real estate agents.  I have always loathed it as it smacks of some sort of WW2 ghetto or something.  I am still suspicious of "Germans" as a group and will never forget Nazis and their vile doings.  Golden Triangle just serves to remind me.

Some of the categories …
Lost & Found - a cute young pug running around in the old Nordstrom Mall

Household Help - a woman advertised for a combination nanny for a 2 yr old girl, light housekeeper ("We have a cleaning firm for the hard stuff") dinner prep, dog walking, child craft amusements, and the occasional date night out for us,"  and I thought "Why not just adopt the kid out?"

Crime and safety - there are currently five public masturbaters running around in our parks and school restrooms.  "Scott (last name) was spotted in the girls bathroom at (school name.)  Just a head's up."

For sale and free - tickets to the Beyoncé and Jay Z or a private suite at the concert for 16 for $5,000.

Job hunting?  A long list - and 80 per cent of them are in San Francisco which is not anywhere near the Golden Triangle.

I think this is a good idea and I like it so I joined up.  I've already touted in "Books"  the southbaywritersworkshop.com for aspiring writers and published and I responded to a query about "a good family-owned Mexican restaurant" with praise for Las Brisas, 1969 Artesia, Redondo Beach.  Maybe I can work from within (so to speak) to abolish the loathsome soubriquet "Golden Triangle"...

A Good Read For What Doesn't Happen

"A Different Place To Die" by Tracy E. Johnson   300 pages  $9.99  amazon.com
"A pulp fiction tour-de-force that takes self-destructive ex-Marine Jake Kowalski from the high-tech world of 2017 and puts him on the mean streets of 1947."

What doesn't happen is a space ship lands and abducts him or a mad scientist says, "Step into this machine I made … (steps in)  "Oh, forgot to tell you it's a time machine!  have a good trip!"

Kowalski gets drunk - he's bored, depressed … and a couple of guys in the bar take umbrage and a royal battle ensues, climaxing (so to speak) with Kowalski spending the night in jail, celled with "a little old man" an on-going character which is never mentioned by any other phrase.  When he wakes up, he's in a glass box wondering what it is.  It's a phone booth.  In 1947  and the little old man escorts him to a diner for a cup of coffee.

How did he  get there?  How did this happen?  Never explained because Johnson is clever enough to go right to the action.

The author didn't give me permission to quote this, the first paragraph of the first page of chapter 1, but we're friends (fellow Writers Workshop members from 19 years ago) so I'm going to risk it.

" It all started when I shot that guy's dick off.  No, I'm too far ahead, that came later and technically I didn't shoot it completely. ..that's beside the point and it started before that.  It started when I entered that dive bar. It was a nasty place where you could expect nasty things to happen."

Johnson has clearly done a lot of research on 1947 times and his amazement at what isn't there (television, cell phones, computers) with what is - radios that have to warm up; great lumbering cars, doctors that willingly make house calls (which comes in handy considering the outcome of some of his encounters)... and a thorough knowledge of WW2, what people wore - men wore hats!  That weren't backwards baseball caps and a great deal more and he does it all with a sense of awe and humor.

This is a really good read with believable characters, a true sense of "being there" and more than healthy doses of smart ass repartee.  Romantics will enjoy the love story of Kowalski and Esmerelda and - spoiler sort of - a happy ending for all of the major characters.