You don't like cops? Don't welcome them in your neighborhood? Then call a gang banger when you are robbed or assaulted (physically or sexually.
Don't call the cops - at best, they'll do a slow roll to your house. The only time the police should act with all possible speed is the dreaded message "officer down!"
Realizing this is not only simple, but draconian, nevertheless I offer it as a tension reduction device. A silent purr of "You got what you asked for" with a quiet smile.
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