A Useful Book!

As opposed to yesterday's trio of ladies -- the waif, the manners cop and the cutest little trick in shoe leather. All well-meaning, no doubt, but this you can get your teeth into without fear of cavities.

"Stalling For Time, My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator" by Gary Noesner Random House 226 pages $26

Noesner retired from the FBI in 2003. He spent 30 years with the Bureau as an investigator, instructor and finally as the first chief of the Crisis Negotiation Unit, Critical Indicident Response Group. Today he is a senior VP with Control Risks, an international firm.

"Hostage negotiation is about managing yourself and the people around you," Noesner wrote. A hostage situation is dangerous because the person holding the hostages is totally unpredictable.

The negotiator and the SWAT teams cannot go off half-cocked. The negotiator has to suspend his own emotions to get the crazy person to talk, to tell him what is wanted while the negotiator works to make the nut job feel confident talking to him.

Now this kind of a read is right up my alley. I am totally into making a deal, coercing others to do my will and convincing others that what I happen to want is more beneficial than what they think they want. My truck license plate is "Delmakr" (Dealmaker shortened.)

Some things learned from Noesner's book:
Listen. Listen to the person, not the leader of the SWAT team who wants to charge in.
Is the person sputtering mindless gibberish? Why? Drunk? Crazy? Off their meds?

What is the person telling you that he wants? A helicopter out on the lawn to whisk him away? For that flight of fancy, the negotiatior would buy time (for the person to calm down a tad) by saying, "I don't have that kind of authority. I have to call my boss on that." This reference to having a boss might well resonate with the hostage taker who undoubtedly at one time or another has had a boss, too. You want the bad guy to gain confidence in your sincerity. Use a calm voice, not authoritarian tones.

Do they want the power and water turned back on? A sandwich? Demands vary greatly.

But: always, always get a concession from the bad guy before you give him anything. Never give away anything but that which is minor.

If you listen, really listen you can negotiate very nearly anything from a major purchase down to a later bedtime (or not) for your kid. Go for it! Listen up!