Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tall (But True) Tales From Texas

"This is just a test..."
I'd made it through security at LAX, slipped back into my shoes and grabbed my purse when all of a sudden the security guards began shouting, "Breaker! Breaker!" and they all went haring after someone (whom I never saw.) The entire posse rounded a corner in the hallway and were gone. During this, I looked for safety and found a policeman sitting behind a desk to my right. I casually eeled over to stand casually on the far side of the action next to him. Out of the side of his mouth, he murmured, "Exercise" and gestured with his chin toward the exit. So I took it.

The Sound of One Chopstick...
Aboard our flight to DFW, I ordered a breakfast box ($6) and we shared it. The flight attendant handed the box to us, poured a cup of hot water and gave it to Richie saying, "That's for your oatmeal." He likes oatmeal; I don't so I got the yogurt. He also got the spoon so I used my knife to eat the yogurt. It's rather like using one chopstick at a time...

Romeo and Juliet, South Texas Style
After dinner at Pier 99, Corpus, we walked back to our hotel, passing Blackbeard's Bar and Grill. Richie dragged me in for a nightcap. We sat at the bar and ordered beers. Richie got to talking to the guy on his right who asked if we were here for business or pleasure? I said that we were here to visit my cousin Robert Dirks, up in Mathis. The guy grinned and said, "My grandfather and my father kept honey bees on Dirks land for years! As a little boy I used to visit and help with the bees. Been years since I seen Robert."

"You wanta write him a note?" I asked, digging in my purse for my writing pad and a pen. "Sure!" he said, taking them from me. He wrote, "Hello, Robert - W____ H______, Jr. We had honey bees on your land for years. Best regards."

Having established that we were "friendlies" he told us that he and his ex-wife had made an agreement. If either wanted to get back together, he/she would be at this bar at 8 p.m. that night. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was 8:30 p.m. and grimaced. He saw it and grinned, "Aw, Ah don't feel real bad about it ... we were married for seven years; got a divorce and then remarried and were together another three years and divorced. I'm 43 and she's 30 and she wants kids. Hell I GOT adult kids; I don't want no more of them."

He threw back the last of his beer and ordered another one, winking conspiratorially at the bartender (female.)

Big Butter & Egg Man
In Beeville, Tx. five of us had dinner at Mi Familia, a Mexican family-owned restaurant with walls of framed photos of family members; the earliest of whom fought in the Battle of the Alamo (on our side.) Cousin Robert insised on treating and gave the owner his credit card, saying, "Please add on a 20% tip." Goodbyes having been said, back in his truck, Robert started laughing and said, "I'm so embarrassed! The tip came to $6!"

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