Sunday, January 10, 2010

Obnoxious Phrases in the North American Vernacular

#1 - Guaranteed to raise my blood pressure to soaring heights:

When a happy couple exclaims triumphantly, "We're pregnant!"

I'm tempted to say, "If he's (nod) pregnant, you better get on the phone to the Guinness Book of Records! (Pause to let my hair settle back down on my head.) The proper phrase is: 'She's pregnant and we're both delighted/thrilled/so pleased.'" This also applies to same sex couples. No matter what, only one of you is in fact pregnant.

A double offender! Medical or wait staff that coyly inquires, How're we doing today?" Acceptable response: (Unsmiling nod, cool delivery) "As we've never been introduced, I have no way to know how well you may or may not be feeling."

As personally satisfying as this well could be, don't say it. It will result in the nurse giving you a shot comparable to her hurling a dart all the way across a pub floor and into the bull's eye or your server will add something to your food that never came out of the kitchen.

Wait staff/bartender: "Would you like another drink?" Right away this is off-putting as it indicates your server has you pegged as a raving alcoholic. And no matter how deserving that description may be ... being labeled is so Politically Incorrect.

Preferable: Server says, "May I freshen that for you?" Exception: In a Mexican restaurant it is perfectly acceptable for the server to ask, "Dos mas?"

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