I HATE "social media" - the FaceBooks, the Selfies, Twitter et al. I thought it was just because I felt and still do that the lower you can position yourself below the radar, the better off you are.
Examples: my first "author photo" was a pair of black suede driving moccasins. A friend commented sardonically, "Doesn't really look like 'you.'"
I ran a Cabo photo and identified the trio as "Tourists." The people that know us know it was me, Richie and Raffish.
Jump now to a rather febrile novel I was reading when I came across this passage. I said, "Ah hah! Now I get it"
A man is complaining to his ex-girlfriend. "When you and I communicate, I want to do it directly. You write to me; I write to you. You ask questions and I answer them. You stop getting news of me from third parties.
"Those judgments - "Like" "Don't like" Smiles" "Frowns" and" OMG you've UNFRIENDED me?" We were doing that in junior high school. The world has dorkified itself."
The man continues, "I mean I can't send you e-mails because you immediately forward them to someone else. I can't send you a photo because you instantly post it on your own profile."
Exactly so. By virtue of spending vast swaths of time online people are losing the ability, let alone desire, to spend time one on one. Woman at a bar to her date, "Hold on - I've got to get this." A half hour passes and the date shakes his head and stands up to leave and, genuinely surprised, she says, "Oh! Are you leaving?"
By splatterdashing all you know on a continual effort "to share" we are actually turning into a world of loners. Not good. Worse - turning our grandparents into tweeners. They've done their time!
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
It's Only a Matter of Time
Before another U.S. President is assassinated. So says Ronald Kessler in his newest addition to his previous 17 books about the Secret Service and the FBI.
"The First Family Detail - Secret Service Agents Reveal (editor - dish on) the Hidden Lives of the Presidents" Crown Forum 258 pages $26
Kessler pads his tale with previously disclosed tidbits such as Amy Carter was totally spoiled and a real brat. On Air Force 1, she would take an open snack sack, crumble the contents and pour it on the floor, with her eyes daring the agent to say anything.
Jenna and Barbara Bush were Twin Troublemakers who delighted in escaping their protection. Chelsea Clinton was considered very nice, unlike her parents. Hillary's agents considered duty with her as punishment and Bill's detail quickly grew tired of sexist remarks and speculation about a woman's... availability and frat house behavior.
New material includes the agents dislike of Michelle Obama for forcefully encouraging her husband to be more aggressive attacking Republicans and to always side with blacks in racial controversies.
Joe Biden's penchant for swimming nude in front of female agents is well-known but not this. When in his hometown in Delaware, the agents carrying "the football" (nuclear attack response) are told to stay at minimal one mile from his car. In the event of a nuclear attack while Biden's got the bomb, we'd all be killed avers Kessler.
It's an interesting enough read, but having read a previous tome, I'd have to say, "Read if you must, but keep a grain of salt handy while you do.
"The First Family Detail - Secret Service Agents Reveal (editor - dish on) the Hidden Lives of the Presidents" Crown Forum 258 pages $26
Kessler pads his tale with previously disclosed tidbits such as Amy Carter was totally spoiled and a real brat. On Air Force 1, she would take an open snack sack, crumble the contents and pour it on the floor, with her eyes daring the agent to say anything.
Jenna and Barbara Bush were Twin Troublemakers who delighted in escaping their protection. Chelsea Clinton was considered very nice, unlike her parents. Hillary's agents considered duty with her as punishment and Bill's detail quickly grew tired of sexist remarks and speculation about a woman's... availability and frat house behavior.
New material includes the agents dislike of Michelle Obama for forcefully encouraging her husband to be more aggressive attacking Republicans and to always side with blacks in racial controversies.
Joe Biden's penchant for swimming nude in front of female agents is well-known but not this. When in his hometown in Delaware, the agents carrying "the football" (nuclear attack response) are told to stay at minimal one mile from his car. In the event of a nuclear attack while Biden's got the bomb, we'd all be killed avers Kessler.
It's an interesting enough read, but having read a previous tome, I'd have to say, "Read if you must, but keep a grain of salt handy while you do.
Monday, October 13, 2014
A Sudden Strong Suspicion ...
That our pets are much smarter than previously thought.
If you read this column yesterday, you will recall that I was desperately searching for a way to wake up and not start shouting before I opened my eyes.
This morning was ... strange. It was eerily serene upstairs - the kind of a serenity seen in the smile of the young widow as the coffin containing her late, very rich husband slides in the crypt. I swear it was as if they'd read yesterday's blog! And consequently were laying low. Can animals go online? And read?
If so, here's what I think could have happened. Lady Bird, the cockatiel flew over and lifted the laptop lid. It should be noted that she lives in a large cage and every door in it is twist-tied shut. Yes, another mystery! Mysteries upon mysteries...
Laptop lid open, the cats start to work. "Pull up yesterday's column" shrieks one of the seniors. "Lemme see, too!" says Fred as he tries to wriggle in between the two of them in front of the computer.
Streak hissed (quietly) at him - habits are hard to break.
They read the ad for a wrangler, collectively shuddering. They looked at each other and probably thought, "This is not a good thing for us. Yet another stranger in the house (the two seniors cast level gazes at poor Fred.) Let's try to accommodate her tomorrow morning. She's dangerous with that spray bottle."
If you read this column yesterday, you will recall that I was desperately searching for a way to wake up and not start shouting before I opened my eyes.
This morning was ... strange. It was eerily serene upstairs - the kind of a serenity seen in the smile of the young widow as the coffin containing her late, very rich husband slides in the crypt. I swear it was as if they'd read yesterday's blog! And consequently were laying low. Can animals go online? And read?
If so, here's what I think could have happened. Lady Bird, the cockatiel flew over and lifted the laptop lid. It should be noted that she lives in a large cage and every door in it is twist-tied shut. Yes, another mystery! Mysteries upon mysteries...
Laptop lid open, the cats start to work. "Pull up yesterday's column" shrieks one of the seniors. "Lemme see, too!" says Fred as he tries to wriggle in between the two of them in front of the computer.
Streak hissed (quietly) at him - habits are hard to break.
They read the ad for a wrangler, collectively shuddering. They looked at each other and probably thought, "This is not a good thing for us. Yet another stranger in the house (the two seniors cast level gazes at poor Fred.) Let's try to accommodate her tomorrow morning. She's dangerous with that spray bottle."
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Wrangler Wanted: Murphy's Morning Rodeo
Dear Applicant: This is a seven mornings a week position and you must be an early riser. The rodeo generally starts at 6:10 a.m. You will not need to rely upon an alarm clock as the thud of pounding feet (four per animal) plus the caterwauling of one of the senior cats will easily rouse you. Incidentally I now know the origins of the word "caterwauling."
The Murphy Morning Rodeo is comprised of two 12 year old female cats (Streak and Minuit) and one 10 month old male kitten. (Fred) Due to the vast difference in their ages, they might as well be located on separate planets.
With youth's brimming vitality, Fred hits the kitchen looking for kibble bits. He has a growing animal's fondness for FOOD AND RIGHT NOW!
The Ladies are much more traditionally catlike with a sniff here; a mouthful there and then retiring to consider "Another bite? Or a bath ... hmmm." Consequently while they are pre-occupied with these deep questions, Fred is at their food bowls, eating like a super-charged snow plow.
The Ladies (as usual) have decided on a pre, pre-morning nap. But Fred wants to play! So he marches off to the pre-morning nap spot and annoys Streak until she can't stand it and starts growwwling like a deranged thing. She displays an impressive range in scale use and volume. Minuit, well acquainted with Fred from the backyard (and weighs 8 lbs. more) doesn't have to say anything. He knows to leave her alone.
Streak though hates him and he knows it. This is the kitten in him - he simply can't resist teasing her.
Meanwhile, below stairs, the lady of the house has just given up on another half-hour of blessed silence (and therefore sleep) and gets up grumpily.
You can see that we need you desperately for the morning feeding/rodeo. We can discuss salary in the afternoon as I am vulnerable in the morning and might possibly say, "$100 a day! For God's sake, shut them up!"
The Murphy Morning Rodeo is comprised of two 12 year old female cats (Streak and Minuit) and one 10 month old male kitten. (Fred) Due to the vast difference in their ages, they might as well be located on separate planets.
With youth's brimming vitality, Fred hits the kitchen looking for kibble bits. He has a growing animal's fondness for FOOD AND RIGHT NOW!
The Ladies are much more traditionally catlike with a sniff here; a mouthful there and then retiring to consider "Another bite? Or a bath ... hmmm." Consequently while they are pre-occupied with these deep questions, Fred is at their food bowls, eating like a super-charged snow plow.
The Ladies (as usual) have decided on a pre, pre-morning nap. But Fred wants to play! So he marches off to the pre-morning nap spot and annoys Streak until she can't stand it and starts growwwling like a deranged thing. She displays an impressive range in scale use and volume. Minuit, well acquainted with Fred from the backyard (and weighs 8 lbs. more) doesn't have to say anything. He knows to leave her alone.
Streak though hates him and he knows it. This is the kitten in him - he simply can't resist teasing her.
Meanwhile, below stairs, the lady of the house has just given up on another half-hour of blessed silence (and therefore sleep) and gets up grumpily.
You can see that we need you desperately for the morning feeding/rodeo. We can discuss salary in the afternoon as I am vulnerable in the morning and might possibly say, "$100 a day! For God's sake, shut them up!"
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Planning A Bonfire of Vanity Fairs
Vanity Fair arrived yesterday and it is slightly more interesting than usual. If you are not a reader, allow me to explain the magazine's format: let us now laud movie stars, designers, artists and writers no one ever heard of and go after the wanna bes with articles listing the 50 richest women or top 100 socialites, etc.
The editor is a man named Graydon Carter, who is a transplanted Canadian who never finished either of the two universities he attended. The most notable thing about him is his hair - long, combed straight back with little wings on either side - which is the same color as George Washington's whom he strongly resembles. Googling him provided the information that he is on his third wife which surprised the hell out of me. I figured he was gayer than a Christmas tree - not that there's anything wrong with either thing.
Even more surprising to the discerning is the fact that he claims to be a libertarian while 11 issues out of 12 make much ado about the benevolence of Democrats along with fulsome praise. If that's libertarianism, color me gone.
Anyhow. From the November issue:
"My Stuff" is a look through rich/famous peoples' closets - including underwear and sheet brands (a high thread count is absolutely mandatory.) This is actually a very thinly disguised ad page.
"Hot Tracks" features Bryan Ferry, formerly of Roxy Music. He has adult sons named Tara, Isaac, Merlin and Otis. MERLIN?!
"Beauty" Estee Lauder is launching a new facial skin rejuvenator in paired bottles. The gold vial is black diamond truffle elixir (their word) infused with 24-karat gold. The platinum vial holds fine-spun South Sea pearl dust. 4360
"The Social Network" feature is a book called "The Social Climber's Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips and Spiritual Advice for the Upwardly Mobile" A free tip - Coco Chanel advised to dress as you wish to be perceived, but the authors upped the ante by adding that social climbers should look like they belong ANYWHERE.
A new book of photos of the Rolling Stones is coming (552 pages) with a limited edition to be signed by all four of them. Hurry and get that now before they're all dead. The jury has been out for some time about whether or not Charlie Watts is still with us.
The editor is a man named Graydon Carter, who is a transplanted Canadian who never finished either of the two universities he attended. The most notable thing about him is his hair - long, combed straight back with little wings on either side - which is the same color as George Washington's whom he strongly resembles. Googling him provided the information that he is on his third wife which surprised the hell out of me. I figured he was gayer than a Christmas tree - not that there's anything wrong with either thing.
Even more surprising to the discerning is the fact that he claims to be a libertarian while 11 issues out of 12 make much ado about the benevolence of Democrats along with fulsome praise. If that's libertarianism, color me gone.
Anyhow. From the November issue:
"My Stuff" is a look through rich/famous peoples' closets - including underwear and sheet brands (a high thread count is absolutely mandatory.) This is actually a very thinly disguised ad page.
"Hot Tracks" features Bryan Ferry, formerly of Roxy Music. He has adult sons named Tara, Isaac, Merlin and Otis. MERLIN?!
"Beauty" Estee Lauder is launching a new facial skin rejuvenator in paired bottles. The gold vial is black diamond truffle elixir (their word) infused with 24-karat gold. The platinum vial holds fine-spun South Sea pearl dust. 4360
"The Social Network" feature is a book called "The Social Climber's Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips and Spiritual Advice for the Upwardly Mobile" A free tip - Coco Chanel advised to dress as you wish to be perceived, but the authors upped the ante by adding that social climbers should look like they belong ANYWHERE.
A new book of photos of the Rolling Stones is coming (552 pages) with a limited edition to be signed by all four of them. Hurry and get that now before they're all dead. The jury has been out for some time about whether or not Charlie Watts is still with us.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Trader Joe Done Gone About as Crazy as Anyone Could Ever Hope To Be
Maligning our beloved Trader Joe (my next husband)? He's got a new American disease - pumpkin-itis syndrome.
During the run-up to Thanksgiving, we are perfectly prepared to buy a pumpkin loaf mix or a pumpkin pie (Richie makes a very good one from scratch) - in short, the traditional T-Day accoutrements.
See if you don't agree with my assessment of overkill - insert the word "pumpkin" in front of everything on the list that follows:
Spice Coffee
O's - breakfast cereal
waffle and pancakes mix - regular and gluten-free
ice cream
breakfast rolls with pumpkin spice icing (previously, they were cinnamon buns)
cream cheese muffins
pumpkin-spiced pumpkin seeds - double shot!
non-fat Greek yogurt
granola
waffles
croissants
bagels
cream cheese
soup
Don't forget too put the word "pumpkin" in front of every one of these
ale
chai
bread pudding
dark chocolate salted caramels
brittle (candy)
scone cookies
macaroons
cheesecake
biscotti
oil
cranberry scone mix
bar baking kit
CROUTONS
butter
This Pumpkin Walks Into a Bar
toaster pastries
corn bread mix
mochie ice cream
instant oatmeal
Joe-Joe's sandwich cookies
organic canned pumpkin
And if that's not enough, you can rub Pumpkin Body Butter all over your body! RIP, Joe - I know all of this creativity done brought you down.
During the run-up to Thanksgiving, we are perfectly prepared to buy a pumpkin loaf mix or a pumpkin pie (Richie makes a very good one from scratch) - in short, the traditional T-Day accoutrements.
See if you don't agree with my assessment of overkill - insert the word "pumpkin" in front of everything on the list that follows:
Spice Coffee
O's - breakfast cereal
waffle and pancakes mix - regular and gluten-free
ice cream
breakfast rolls with pumpkin spice icing (previously, they were cinnamon buns)
cream cheese muffins
pumpkin-spiced pumpkin seeds - double shot!
non-fat Greek yogurt
granola
waffles
croissants
bagels
cream cheese
soup
Don't forget too put the word "pumpkin" in front of every one of these
ale
chai
bread pudding
dark chocolate salted caramels
brittle (candy)
scone cookies
macaroons
cheesecake
biscotti
oil
cranberry scone mix
bar baking kit
CROUTONS
butter
This Pumpkin Walks Into a Bar
toaster pastries
corn bread mix
mochie ice cream
instant oatmeal
Joe-Joe's sandwich cookies
organic canned pumpkin
And if that's not enough, you can rub Pumpkin Body Butter all over your body! RIP, Joe - I know all of this creativity done brought you down.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
This'n That
We're adding bannisters to the wall side of our stairs. I was reminded of the time we were visiting Red and Barbara in Dallas and Red called our attention to the fact that all four of us were using the handrails at the museum.
Our stairs do have bannisters, but they are located where there is no wall. The new "grab bars" will be set into the stairwell walls. Can't wait to tell Red that we're going to be double handrail users!
I'm thoroughly enjoying "Paris In Love" by a woman named Eloisa James. She, her husband (both teachers) and their children, a 15 year old boy and an 11 year old girl spent a year there. Her view is one that will reverberate with anyone who has ever been there.
Ebola thought: no one has mentioned the fates of the flight attendants on board with a virus-laden passenger. They should all be getting hazardous pay.
Our stairs do have bannisters, but they are located where there is no wall. The new "grab bars" will be set into the stairwell walls. Can't wait to tell Red that we're going to be double handrail users!
I'm thoroughly enjoying "Paris In Love" by a woman named Eloisa James. She, her husband (both teachers) and their children, a 15 year old boy and an 11 year old girl spent a year there. Her view is one that will reverberate with anyone who has ever been there.
Ebola thought: no one has mentioned the fates of the flight attendants on board with a virus-laden passenger. They should all be getting hazardous pay.
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