Why We Paid Air France the Equivalent of a Small Balkan Nation's Annual GNP

Short answer:  Because I won't sit on a board for a cumulative 22 hours and 10 minutes.

Long answer:  We are about to have business in Marseilles.  I mapped out a course on a Major American Airline (MAA) that took us from LAX to Chicago to Paris since MAA now disdains a direct flight from LAX to Charles De Gaulle (CDG.)

Richie didn't say anything as I put us on the non-revenue (non-rev) list.  Several days ago, he fretfully said, "I want to go direct!  See how much Air France charges."

I frowned.  I remembered our last tip to Paris on Air France in 2006.  We went Coach.  While I often admire the frugality found all over France,  there are limits to even my Francophilia.

This is how the French construct a seat in Coach:  Take a 2 in. thick piece of board, cut it to fit into the seat frame.  Carefully pad the board with a single layer of Kleenex, stretch cloth over that and nail down the cloth. 

Admittedly, this would be acceptable on a flight of say, one hour.  But 10 1/2 hours to Paris and 11 hours, 40 minutes home is stretching acceptable limits to the point of actually shredding them.

Friends weren't particularly solicitous about it.  They looked pointedly at my behind and said, "Surely you're not concerned about it!" (snigger)  A remark like that could sting the soul of a lesser listener, but I am made of sterner stuff.  Just not stern enough to sit on a board for 20+ hours. 

AirFrance.com lists three classes of service:  "Affairs" or Business; "Premier Voyager" (first or premium traveler) or simply "Voyager" (traveler) or, as we say in this country, "Steerage."

We won't know until we board if Premier Voyager is watered-down Business or jumped-up Coach, but I booked it anyhow.  The following is what Air France said they would give us in exchange for an amount that might have bought an acceptable used car:

20% wider seats, 20% more leg room, ergonomic seats, adjustable head and leg rests, and a dedicated area for the seat when reclined.  That way you won't have to stare at an upside-down face in your lap all the way to Paris.  We're promised storage spots, noise-reducing earphones, a PC outlet to charge your laptop, a video screen, travel kit, "virgin" wool blanket (sex is all in France,) feather pillow and a bottle of water for hydration in the event the flight attendant breaks a leg and can't get to your seat. 

Food, wine, champagne and hard liquor --as much as you can swill down -- are free.  Determined to finish you off after a stay in France, the Paris to LA flight also offers all of the above plus a self-service buffet with sweet and savory treats, "fresh products" (probably cheeses and breads) , mini-sandwiches and Haagen Daz ice cream.

The fun starts before you even board the plane.  We're allowed two 50 lb. bags each, at no charge.   Priority boarding -- when the flight is opened we're invited to skip the lines (possibly only a wishful hope on the airline's part) and board.  On arrival, we get off second and our bags will be getting priority delivery.

Now if they only offered Priority Customs ... but that's being a bit pushy.