Welcome to the Red Carpet, Baby!

Celebrities and wealthy women have a new fad -- elaborate births.  For themselves, primarily and, Oh, yes!  The baby!  There now exists people who are titled "pregnancy concierges" who will set up the mandatory mani- and pedicures, Brazilian wax job, find chic scrubs for the husand, professional video photographers and make-up experts for The Blessed Event. 

Celebrities who have swanned into the delivery room with a list of requirements...
Beyonce Knowles ordered private and hospital security staff; had bulletproof glass installed in the windows of her suite and took over an entire maternity floor at Lennox Hill hospital, NY.  Other maternity customers were not best pleased, to say the least.

Mariah Carey wrote out maternity ward directions like a contract rider for an appearance.  She demanded that at the exact instant she gave birth, her recording of "Fantasy" be piped into the delivery room.  Picture that on a resume, "I was in charge of turning on the music when ..."

Jessica Simpson, it is said, paid $1.3 million for armed guards against a kidnapping attempt. 

Victoria (Posh Spice) Beckham demans a Caesarian, a birthing technique now labeled "too posh to push" in her honor.  

Rosie Pope, of Bravo's "Pregnant in Heels,"  is a pregnancy concierge.  She finds the best baby nurses, can set up a Demi Moore-type nude shot (Vanity Fair cover) or book a bikini wax in the delivery room itself!  She said, "The J Sisters will give you a Brazilian up to four centimeters dilated." 

I'm sure the medical staff just loves that.  Given the pain of birth plus all of your pubic hair being ripped off, I would imagine that the poor baby will require psychiatric counseling as a mere toddler.

This is such a dreadful idea that I can't report it.  In fact, I'm very sorry I read about it.  Google "orgasmic birth" and you'll see why I'm being so squeaamish. 

When I consider the extreme vanity and the preposterously shallow personalties of these mothers, I fear for the child's welfare down the road.  O(nce born - on the red carpet - relegated to life in a closet so that Mommy Dearest can shed the baby weight and swan around as usual.  A trip from red carpet to ignomy before you can even talk.