Saturday, March 5, 2011


Taking a page from the Charlie Sheen PR handbook, today's blog is All About Me!

I hope I don't break an elbow patting myself on the back. Yesterday's blog was #800 and dividing by 365 days, I find that amounts to two years and 19 days I've been assaulting your eyeballs and sensitivites. Given that the average column is 275 words, that's 220,000 words. Had I been paid 10 cents a word that would amount to $22,000. I wasn't. Further calculations indicate I'll hit 1,000 blogs in a mere six months!

Medical Use for Pantyhose (My Invention)
In 2009 I was diagnosed as having a viral radiculitis of the femoral iliac nerve. After treatment, it vanished. But lo! it was just lurking, waiting to strike again! And it did.

The femoral iliac nerve runs along the inside of the thigh. I think of it like a big tree -- the trunk deep in the thigh, fanning out to branches and then twigs just under the skin.

Problem: It is painful. I do not have the trim, toned thighs of a 20-something (oy, do I not have those.) The blubber jolts with every step, which hurts and forces me to change my gait which then affects my back.

Solution: Panty hose! They are just snug enough through the thigh that they hold the blubber still (think of Hoover Dam) but are not so tight that they themselves cause pain. I tried this novel idea out yesterday and it works beautifully! This morning though I had to make a modification. I cut the feet off because despite all my yanking, pulling and tugging I had a crotch about two inches north of my knees most of yesterday. But I did get a better workout than at the gym. Think positively!

My only warning would be: pay close attention to your bladder. What with underpants, panty hose and street pants, you're going to take more time in the bathroom.

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