Alas

Nothing to say or report. I am hoping for something newsworthy after this afternoon. We're invited for "Vino on the Veranda" at a friends' house. They have an enormous patio with a breath-stopping view of the sea. I suggested they name the house "La Vue de Dieux" (God's view) and it's still under advisement.

They didn't need to use any of the terrace for a pool -- there's one inside the house. How cool is that? All-weather swimming!

A Guy Book, An Unusual Salad and Payback That Bounced

"There I Fixed It. No, You Didn't" by a collection of writers and photographers who call themselves Cheezburger Network. Andrews McMeel Publishing $14.95 thereifixedit.com

It's a collection of duct-taped mended and jury-rigged fixed things. Examples: the back wheel and seat of a bicycle attached to the handle of a power mower; a plastic lawn chair ($5 at the supermarket) with the seat mostly cut out and the caption, "There's something to be said for a toilet with armrests."

This book was designed for guys in that it's all pictures with very short captions. I've noted in my long career as an amateur psychologist that men gravitate to picture humor; women to humor in words (anecdotes, puns, stories.)

An Unusual Salad
Yesterday I was a guest of the Redondo Beach Parks and Recreation department's lunch for volunteers at Emerald Gardens, 3201 Artesia, RB 310-214-5455. The first course was a salad: small pieces of iceberg lettuce with a topping of fried won ton strips and a dressing that I believe was a small splash of Chinese Rice Wine vinegar. It was refreshing.

"So, Hah!"
Some time ago, the woman who runs the Veterans Park Senior Center came in and asked the Thurs. Writers who is the group leader. As one, they all pointed at me despite my vehement denials. She left, we went on with our business. Time passed.

Then I received an invitation to the above lunch, addressed to me at home. I assumed all the rest of us would be included, so I accepted.

At the lunch it was only me. The City had invited the group leaders only. Mayor Mike Gin was at my table but on the other side of the table for 10. I had a nice conversation with Steve Diels, the rep for Distric 5 where we live.

So, yesterday, I marched into Thurs. Writers and said, "You all remember when you indicated that I was the leader? Guess what! Yesterday I got to go to a FREE lunch and we had salad, soup, sweet and sour pork with rice and vegetables and a mango tapioca pudding in a little styrofoam cup for dessert! When I arrived, I was handed a carnation; when I left I was given a black lanyard with green rhinestone trim, a little plastic bag with some hard candies and a plastic fan in it and you didn't get any of that, so, hah!"

Those present responded as one: "Better you than me!" So much for leadership envy among writers.

Bad Moon Rising?

Not deterred by yesterday's fiasco in Long Beach, Richie determined that after our 9:30 a.m. haircuts, we would go straight to Long Beach for our second attempt to see the ships.

In the car, heading for the freeway and Long Beach, I said plaintively, "I sure hope some entrepreneur has set a hot dog stand..." and Richie said, "Tell you what, we're coming up on Nathan's, we'll stop and get a hot dog. So we did.* Delay #1.

Then I couldn't find my hat anywhere in the car, so we went home and got it. Delay #2.

We arrived at the parking lot (free for once,) parked, cleared Security and went to the back of the line/mass. Picture some 20 to 30 people abreast, 40 or 50 people deep.

Periodically a security guard would order us into a line-like mass, but it was, for him, like trying to walk an octopus.

We chatted amicably with the people immediately around us -- an older guy, who was very knowledgeable about boats and the history of San Pedro and the couple beside us who live in San Pedro. Behind us there were seven Asian nuns and they looked too cute - all of them were about 5 ft. tall, all in traditional nun garb - navy blue jackets and long skirts, white blouses, crucifixes hanging prominently from chains around their necks. Believe me, they kept their part of the line string straight.

But, at the 40 minute mark, this was becoming boring. Just then a Navy officer, in white uniform, chest covered with ribbons and medals, popped himself up onto a table and addressed us. The problem was: a minesweeper is a small ship and only 12 people at a time are able to fit on board. The tour takes 20 minutes. Do the math...

At the one hour and 15 minute mark, I said to Richie, "This sucks - see you at the car." I hit the restroom on the way out, went to the car and settled in the comfortable passenger seat, put the windows down (lovely day, refreshing little breeze) picked up my book, lit a cigarette and relaxed. Standing on a concrete floor, wearing glove-soft boat shoes, is not going to do the average back any good at all.

An hour later, Richie appeared, looking irritated. He said, "I give up! I'm not standing in that line any longer!"

Astonished, I gasped, "You've been in the LINE all this time?" "Yes," he said, put on his seat belt, started the car and away we went.

He discarded his plan to try again today when he read the front page of the Daily Breeze - "Ship viewers wait up to three hours to tour..." Delay #3.


* Make one hot dog seem like two: put mustard, onion, pickle relish on one end; put mustard, sauerkraut on the other end. Viola - two different tastes!

Frown Part 2

I remembered a very good lunch at a place called "Blue's" but when we got to it, there it wasn't. We read the menu at La Creperie Cafe, whose sign proclaims them to be a "Bohemian Bistro Bar" and went in.

They have a sidewalk patio in front of a big, inside dining room and long bar. We decided to eat on the patio as it was a lovely day. We watched the passing scene - pedestrians and vehicles - while sipping a Stella (Richie - $4.75) and from a flute of Pul Clement Brut ($7) which was lovely - crisp, citric and a faint hint of peaches. Service is very friendly, but somewhat leisurely. No matter, we were in no hurry. Richie said to me, "This counts as a Vacation Day!" and we clinked glasses.

Unusually for us we ordered the same thing. We started with lunch-sized Caesar salads ($4) and then the crepes au homard - three small crepes of lobster meat with shiitake mushrooms, leeks and a lobster bechemel sauce. ($16.95)

We agreed we'd eaten better Caesar salads. Not enough of the rather insipid dressing but the lettuce was fresh and crisp.

The crepes, picture above, would have been a great deal better if the chef hadn't substituted green onions for the leeks! Here's a traditionally sweet meat, paired with unoffending mushrooms and that would have been fine. Enter the strident chopped, raw green onion and ... it takes over. They were listed as "crepes" but that part certainly tasted like won-ton wrappers to me. Same texture, too.

The lobster bechemel sauce had a faint flour back taste. I don't think the chef cooked that batch long enough. The lobster though was plentiful.

We finished of by sharing an Apple Pan Perdu ($7.95) which you could easily make at home. Make French toast - add a bit of cinnamon and sugar to the milk/egg mix, then top the finished toast with a layer of heated, canned apple pie mix, whoosh with clouds of whipped cream and put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle of the toast.

Richie shoved the tab under my nose, pointing emphatically at it. I looked down, pointed my own self, "Richie that was your Stella and..." "No! No! - look at the name!" Our server's name is Krzysztof - pronounced Chrish-toff. He's from Pasadena, of Polish descent.

La Creperie Cafe, 131 Pine Avenue, Long Beach 562-437-8648 Other locations in Belmont Shores and Chino.

"Turn A Frown Upside Down!" (Perkily)

Yesterday I wrote of our plan to visit the WW2 ships. Richie clipped the article and I put it in my purse. We were some minutes away from the freeway when I re-read it. Uh, oh - the ships named were assigned a day and time that you can visit them and none of them were on Mondy despite the L.A. Times saying Navy Week starts Monday and continues till Sunday, July 31st.

Richie pulled over to the side of the road and we discussed this turn of events. "The hell with it, we're in the car, let's go!" and down the 405 to the Harbor Freeway we streaked.

On the Harbor, going south, we wondered what was slowing the traffic. It turned out to be an elderly white pick-up truck with a huge sign that read "Joe's Ark" along with various signs and slogans, both religious and patriotic, predominantly "God told me to build an ark" a referral to a crude-looking, wood boat in the back of the truck. Front and back this truck had fluttering flags with a banner mounted across the top of the truck, facing into the wind. This slowed him down as well as everyone behind him - no one wanted to be beaned in the windshield or blinded by a flying banner. He finally got off, I think, on Torrance Boulevard.

We exited onto Harbor Boulevard and started looking. No signs proclaiming Navy Week and no ships. We finally tooled over to the USS Lane Victory which has staff and enquired. Sure enough, it all kicks off on Tuesday.

The parking lot sports a brand-new looking toilet kiosk, so, of course, we stepped in. The interior of the Ladies was polished steel - ceiling, walls and floor. all of the fixtures were automated - wave your hand to activate the toilet flush. Above the basin were three, lit pushbuttons - "Water," "Soap," and "Dryer." "My goodness," was all I could mutter in awe.

Back in the car, I suggested to Richie that we motor on over to Nordstrom Rack and finger some merch'. He was agreeable. He bought a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of woven leather loafters. I got a striped jersey. This business settled, we needed to find a place for lunch.

To Be Continued

Anchors Away!

Not exactly. Today is the start of Navy Week and the public is invited to come aboard:
USS Abraham Lincoln, aircraft carrier
USS Princeton, cruiser
USS Chafee, destroyer
USS Champion, mine sweeper

The tour starts when you board the free shuttle at Harbor Boulevard and First Street. For more information visit portoflosangeles.org or navyweek.org

Richie's interest in today's tours stems from the fact that he did four years in the Navy. He joined with the expectation of seeing the world, but, alas, all he ever saw was training near Chicago, more in Millington, TN and finally duty at the Pawtuxet River naval base.

We have toured several aircraft carriers and they're huge with vast, echoing spaces and near-vertical ladders between decks. Pass on that!

For old times, I want to visit the mine sweeper. Back in the '70s, a group of us flew from LAX to Mazatlan, boarded John Wayne's "Wild Goose" and took it to Puerta Vallarta, where we flew home.

The Wild Goose is a converted minesweeper, refitted for civilian use. What I remember clearly is the woodburning fireplace in a corner of the living room! Also: all of the toilet seat lids had covers - needlepoint work of an eagle holding a clutch of arrows in his claw.

There are two roomy aft decks, one above the other, and we usually ate lunch and/or dinner there. One day a crewman opened one of the vast freezers that ringed the lower deck and offered us slivers of 4,000 year old Arctic ice. I was the only one that would take a piece and, while I worried about being felled by some exotic, incurable disease, I had to say "It just tasted like ice."

Friday's Spending Spree (Whee!)

First we went to the Farmer's Market and Richie bought flowers, radishes, strawberries and corn. I dread corn season; he'd eat it four nights of the week if I didn't scream like a deranged banshee.

Then we went to Border's, the bookstore off of Hawthorne. Everybody got the memo that the store was closing because Border's was bankrupt.

Take this, Kindl readers! The parking lot was jammed with cars circling like sharks for a parking space and so was the store, once we got into it. We stood in line for 40 minutes to pay and there were six or seven cashiers! A lot of us - more than you might imagine - still love the heft of a book, the expectation of a good read and that wonderful curiosity the first time you open a new book.

Some great bargains - "The Complete Book of New Yorker Cartoons" which is approximately 24 by 34 inches, weighing in at a ton. It was miserable lugging it around, even in a basket. It is the coffee table book from hell for portability. It was $20, not the list price of $60.

Then we went to Trader Joe's. The only remarkable purchase there was a jar of "Fleur de Sel Caramel" sauce. I've been dying to tast this combo and too cheap to spend $8 for a box of caramels made of it.

Once home, purchases unpacked, I got myself a dish of vanilla ice cream and poured -- tried to pour -- this sauce over it. It is so thick that I almost needed a knife to cut myself out a chunk for the ice cream. Next time, I'll nuke it first. It was very, very good but I did not taste "salt." Apparently very little is required (which is true of all sea salts) to give depth to the caramel flavoring.

All in all, profitable day -- for the merchants.